The biggest surprise of the week was Joey "Joe" Harrington, who would easily qualify for the anti-Daunte Culpepper award (would we call that the Brad Johnson award?) with his performance on Sunday. "Joe" had a 110.1 rating, for christ sake! Most astonishing of all... he failed to throw an interception. That's like a day without sunshine.
The stats for this week:
Tony Mandarich's Back Acne - 19
Team Hold Spoon Over Flame - 17
The Cleveland Steamers - 14
Gary Anderson - If You Would've Made That One Field Goal My Life Might've Turned Out OK - 12
Smelly Pirate Hookers - 9
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A few good candidates for this week's Daunte Culpepper award - unlike last week when it was like choosing the best player on the Cavaliers roster - and so I think I should throw out two honorable mentions:
JP Losman - Buffalo Bills QB
What did the old Loserman do to deserve mention? On the very first play of the game he "sprained" his knee (results are pending... but needless to say he was on crutches after the game)... then thought it would be a GOOD IDEA to keep playing. He stayed in the game for two more plays and then left for good. But before he did, he found time to complete one pass and FUMBLE THE BALL. That's great! "Hey dudes, my knee really hurts and I can't move around... you know what we should do? Pass a lot!"
Note to The Steamers - feel free to re-draft, as I'm thinking the tests on that knee aren't going to be encouraging.
Rudi Johnson - Cincinnati Bengals RB
Well let's see. His team lost - that's a plus right out of the gates. His longest rush from scrimmage was 5 yards - which is what GOOD players average. He rushed the ball 17 times for 9 yards. That's .5 yards per carry. That, my friends, is outSTANDING. For The Steamers, their other running back didn't play, so that average is what they ended up with for the week. That's phenomenal. You know when you've got a guy on your team who can only run 1.5 feet every time he touches the ball, you've got a real life-winner.
Those two were great, but they pretty much all pale in comparison to the one, the only...
Sexy Rex!
What a week for the Bears quarterback. He was 15 for 32, which checks in at less than 50%, which is lower than Jon Kitna, and is also coincidentally lower than ME when I played for the Bears. His rating was an eye-popping 27.5, which in front of a national audience may as well just be zero. He threw three interceptions, which is great by itself, but the one in the 4th quarter is what sealed his fate as this week's winner.
The previous drive, the Cowboys had recovered a Bears fumble (not Sexy Rex, unfortunately) and Madden and Michaels were heard to comment numerous times about how the Bears defense looked tired, and they just wanted to get off the field and get the ball to their offense and take a breather. So the Cowboys kick a field goal, and they kick off. Hester promptly drops the kickoff. But then it's magic time. The Sex Cannon aims for Mr. Muhammad (in the same way you might "aim" for the toilet after a night of putting away 2 Mickey's 40s... that is to say, ain't no chance in hell you're connecting) and throws the ball right to Anthony Henry, which would be cool, if he played for Chicago, but he doesn't, he plays for Dallas, and Mr. Henry goes walking up the sidelines for an easy touchdown. That took a 10 point game and turned it into a rout in the making, and Dallas never looked back.
To top it all off, nobody on the Bears can say for sure if Rex is going to start at quarterback for them this week. Bring back Orton!
So Rex, for directly contributing to your team's non-success, and then failing yourself right out of a starting job, you earn this week's Daunte Culpepper Outstanding Performance In Failing award!
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