September 24, 2007

"I'm not going to stand pat and accept this because I didn't do nothing wrong."

Really, Milton? Nothing wrong?

Let's walk through this the Latest Milton Bradley Losing His Shit Incident and see if we can find any wrong-doing...


In his previous at-bat, Milton had thrown his bat at the home plate umpire after striking out. Hey, we're off to a great start!

Umpire: "So, um, the first base ump... well he told me... you know what, never mind."
Milton: "Naw, come on, what is it?"
Umpire: "It's really nothing. Forget it, let's just play ball."
Milton: "Awww, tell me what it is bro. You know all those days of me acting out are in the past. I'm all about doing right, now."
Umpire: "Well, it's just that the first base ump told me there was a small chance that he may have witnessed the possibility of you perhaps throwing your bat in my general direction after I called you out on strikes your last time up. I know, I know, it sounds totally crazy. I'm embarrassed just to bring it up."
Milton: (hard glare)
Umpire: "See, that's... that's what I thought. No worries, let's play ball."
Milton: (silently planning multiple deaths)





So then Milton raps a single up the middle, and that's real good! See, no matter how insane he is, he can still hit a baseball, which makes him Worth It.






Uh oh! Someone's got something to say! Milton is talking to the first base umpire like two degenerate gamblers I witnessed in the Binion's Sportsbook. He's talking loudly, but never looking at the umpire. He only turns his head, shouts out to no one in particular that the last umpire who told on him is dead now, and he doesn't mean of old age, and then turns back to watch the pitcher. I don't think this is going well. But still! No wrong-doing yet!




Milton calls for time. Probably just go over some signals with his first base coach.

First base coach: "Yeah, ok so when I do one of these jobs on my leg (swipes hand), you take off for second."
Milton: "What's the signal for Beat The Holy Shit Out Of The Ump Standing Behind Me?"
First base coach: "It's this (mimes punching)"
Milton: "IT'S ON!"





Ejected from the game, Milton would like to know what he did wrong. No. Please. Explain to him what he did wrong. He really just wants an explanation.






That would be his manager, Bud Black, having to restrain Milton from TOTALLY MURDERING the first base ump. Ummm, ok, we might be getting into "doing something wrong" territory here.





Breakdown, takedown, you're busted!

Now this is happening: Bud Black, in an effort to prevent a homicide, has tackled Milton to the ground. Your manager has brought you to the ground to keep you from physically attacking an umpire. I would say we're pretty wrong here.





To recap: In being restrained from attacking an umpire, Milton is hurt and might miss the rest of the season. He hurt his knee because he was going to assault an umpire.

Classy!

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