May 11, 2011
Lack of brains in heads
Here's a quick primer to bring you up to speed:
The Vikings would like to build a stadium. They need to put together a billion dollar package to make this happen.
The Metrodome, where they currently play, looks like this:
They have a few options. The first is to tear down the Metrodome and build a stadium on that site. The second is to tear down the Farmer's Market in Minneapolis and build it there. The third option is to build it on an old ammunition dump in Arden Hills.
These are all simple, easy choices. They all have benefits, weaknesses, challenges, etc.
But nobody in this entire state is making an informed choice as to which is better. Why? Because there isn't a single source of information out there that isn't so far fucking skewed because they have something to gain in the deal.
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Let's start with the easy target: The Star Tribune. To read their "reporting" on the matter, there would be no doubt in your mind that the only feasible option is to build it on the Metrodome site and keep the team in Minneapolis. As the rest of "Vikings Nation" shouts approval of actually moving on the Arden Hills location, the Star Tribune is VERY QUICK to point out that this thing still has a long way to go in the legislature, and that there are road infrastructure upgrades that are necessary. Why are they like this? OH, IS IT BECAUSE THEY FUCKING OWN ALL THE LAND AROUND THE METRODOME?????? They've been sitting on it for decades, just waiting for that payout. And if the Vikings move to the suburbs? Oh shit, they're fucked. No one uses the dome, and suddenly their land is utterly worthless.
Let's keep in mind... this is a media organization. I can't think of a way in which a medium could have a larger conflict of interest. It's not possible. Let's also bring in the fact that the Star Trib is losing money, as are all newspapers, and this is the last gamble that just HAS to go right.
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Ok, so if you read stadium news in the Star Tribune, you are an idiot. So where else do you go? The Pioneer Press? Well, here we run into a thornier problem.... St. Paul sure has wanted to take away the Twins and Vikings for, what, 50 years? The media organizations in St. Paul are utterly blind to reality... all they know is that a stadium in Ramsey County means they "won" and, more importantly, Minneapolis "lost". I live over here now, and it just stuns me that people from St. Paul view Minneapolis as "dangerous" and "rowdy". YOU GUYS ARE LIKE THE SAME FUCKING CITY. Does Fargo feud with Moorhead like this? If Baldwin and Woodville can get along, why can't the Twin Cities???
The Pioneer Press makes sure to mention how massive this project is, trying to rev up interest, and how unsettled the Minneapolis stadium site is. This headline says it all: Vikings have "concerns" about Minneapolis site.
For fuck's sake.
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So, you can't trust any local media outlet. So, do you go national? Oh, heavens no. The national press absolutely has their hand wrapped 'round the knob of the NFL, so ANY stadium news is GREAT GREAT GREAT. Take a look at that horeshit article... it's not until the FIFTEENTH paragraph that they mention this:
OH WHAT'S THAT, THE STATE IS BROKE??? No bother, because the governor wants it. GO NFL GO!!! Outlets like the AP, ESPN, Yahoo, etc, they ALL stand to gain from new stadiums and by proxy, NFL success. The bigger the league gets, the more readers they have, simple.
Also, in that article, what the fuck is this:
What the shit? How can you add sales tax on luxury seats at the new stadium? Wouldn't that just be the price of the seats? Like "Hey, these luxury boxes are 10,000 dollars per game. But there is going to be a 10% "tax" on that, the revenue from which will go to pay off the state. YOU WANT ONION RINGS WITH THAT?" Just make the price higher. It's like building a mall, then using a really high tax on everything sold in the mall to pay it off. Makes no sense.
And what is this about digital video recorders? So everyone that goes and buys a Flip from Best Buy in Minnesota kicks in for the stadium? Why not just tax Fuji apples? Shocks and struts from Autozone? I love this state... just when you think they can't possibly tax anything else, they just raise the price of Handicams.
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Ok, so you can't trust the local media. You can't trust the national media. You sure as shit can't trust what any single politician says about this, because they literally are incapable of making a decision. The state is 5 billion dollars in the red (or the black... or whatever the bad one is), but there are LOTS of Vikings fans, and they tend to yell dumb things at Town Halls. So you can't trust them. What's left? TO THE GROUPTHINK-MOBILE!
You see, the last bastion of information is the Vikings blogs. This tenuous gathering of ill-informed homers are completely blind to almost every economic and social reality in modern America. They know only one thing: GET THE STADIUM DONE SO I CAN WATCH GREENWAY!
Take a look at this:
I don't have anything to say here. Nothing. This is a perfect encapsulation of Vikings fans. Anything I say would just detract from that perfect fail.
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So, in summary, there is no truth but the truth which you believe. Which could be anything. And what does it really matter? It's been a long slide down into the muck, but don't worry, the last few feet will pass quickly. Sorry LA, it looks like the mouth-breathers will win again. And to think... we could've BOTH been happy.
The Vikings would like to build a stadium. They need to put together a billion dollar package to make this happen.
The Metrodome, where they currently play, looks like this:
These are all simple, easy choices. They all have benefits, weaknesses, challenges, etc.
But nobody in this entire state is making an informed choice as to which is better. Why? Because there isn't a single source of information out there that isn't so far fucking skewed because they have something to gain in the deal.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Let's start with the easy target: The Star Tribune. To read their "reporting" on the matter, there would be no doubt in your mind that the only feasible option is to build it on the Metrodome site and keep the team in Minneapolis. As the rest of "Vikings Nation" shouts approval of actually moving on the Arden Hills location, the Star Tribune is VERY QUICK to point out that this thing still has a long way to go in the legislature, and that there are road infrastructure upgrades that are necessary. Why are they like this? OH, IS IT BECAUSE THEY FUCKING OWN ALL THE LAND AROUND THE METRODOME?????? They've been sitting on it for decades, just waiting for that payout. And if the Vikings move to the suburbs? Oh shit, they're fucked. No one uses the dome, and suddenly their land is utterly worthless.
Let's keep in mind... this is a media organization. I can't think of a way in which a medium could have a larger conflict of interest. It's not possible. Let's also bring in the fact that the Star Trib is losing money, as are all newspapers, and this is the last gamble that just HAS to go right.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok, so if you read stadium news in the Star Tribune, you are an idiot. So where else do you go? The Pioneer Press? Well, here we run into a thornier problem.... St. Paul sure has wanted to take away the Twins and Vikings for, what, 50 years? The media organizations in St. Paul are utterly blind to reality... all they know is that a stadium in Ramsey County means they "won" and, more importantly, Minneapolis "lost". I live over here now, and it just stuns me that people from St. Paul view Minneapolis as "dangerous" and "rowdy". YOU GUYS ARE LIKE THE SAME FUCKING CITY. Does Fargo feud with Moorhead like this? If Baldwin and Woodville can get along, why can't the Twin Cities???
The Pioneer Press makes sure to mention how massive this project is, trying to rev up interest, and how unsettled the Minneapolis stadium site is. This headline says it all: Vikings have "concerns" about Minneapolis site.
For fuck's sake.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
So, you can't trust any local media outlet. So, do you go national? Oh, heavens no. The national press absolutely has their hand wrapped 'round the knob of the NFL, so ANY stadium news is GREAT GREAT GREAT. Take a look at that horeshit article... it's not until the FIFTEENTH paragraph that they mention this:
The stadium discussion had been largely put off at the Capitol as legislators struggle to resolve a $5 billion state deficit. It picked up speed last week, with Dayton saying he had met privately with the Wilfs and that he was ready to sign a stadium bill.
OH WHAT'S THAT, THE STATE IS BROKE??? No bother, because the governor wants it. GO NFL GO!!! Outlets like the AP, ESPN, Yahoo, etc, they ALL stand to gain from new stadiums and by proxy, NFL success. The bigger the league gets, the more readers they have, simple.
Also, in that article, what the fuck is this:
Rosen's bill calls for the state to raise its share with a 10 percent state sales tax on sports memorabilia, a sales tax on luxury seats at the new stadium and on digital video recorders, and proceeds from stadium naming rights and a football-themed state lottery game.
What the shit? How can you add sales tax on luxury seats at the new stadium? Wouldn't that just be the price of the seats? Like "Hey, these luxury boxes are 10,000 dollars per game. But there is going to be a 10% "tax" on that, the revenue from which will go to pay off the state. YOU WANT ONION RINGS WITH THAT?" Just make the price higher. It's like building a mall, then using a really high tax on everything sold in the mall to pay it off. Makes no sense.
And what is this about digital video recorders? So everyone that goes and buys a Flip from Best Buy in Minnesota kicks in for the stadium? Why not just tax Fuji apples? Shocks and struts from Autozone? I love this state... just when you think they can't possibly tax anything else, they just raise the price of Handicams.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ok, so you can't trust the local media. You can't trust the national media. You sure as shit can't trust what any single politician says about this, because they literally are incapable of making a decision. The state is 5 billion dollars in the red (or the black... or whatever the bad one is), but there are LOTS of Vikings fans, and they tend to yell dumb things at Town Halls. So you can't trust them. What's left? TO THE GROUPTHINK-MOBILE!
You see, the last bastion of information is the Vikings blogs. This tenuous gathering of ill-informed homers are completely blind to almost every economic and social reality in modern America. They know only one thing: GET THE STADIUM DONE SO I CAN WATCH GREENWAY!
Take a look at this:
I only have one question in this whole stadium issue:
Zygi, what took you so long?
There were three things that struck me about the stadium unveiling yesterday in Arden Hills:
1) What a GREAT FREAKING PLAN!
2) Minneapolis is butt hurt, and that kind of makes me smile.
3) Bud Grant is STILL awesome, and I think if he asked me to, I would try and run through a wall for him.
I don't have anything to say here. Nothing. This is a perfect encapsulation of Vikings fans. Anything I say would just detract from that perfect fail.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
So, in summary, there is no truth but the truth which you believe. Which could be anything. And what does it really matter? It's been a long slide down into the muck, but don't worry, the last few feet will pass quickly. Sorry LA, it looks like the mouth-breathers will win again. And to think... we could've BOTH been happy.
May 3, 2011
Win Away the Pounds!
Rex, I heard a rumour, and I don't know if it's true. It was that you're on another diet. This diet consists of only eating carry-out chili. Is it working?
"Fuuufffffffffffffffffffffff."
"Fuuufffffffffffffffffffffff."
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