"That is why they don't want to put the game in the hands of Tavaris Jackson. This was a terrible throw to a receiver who wasn't even open."

Week 2 is now behind us, but deep inside, I wanted this one to last forever. It was a strange batch of games this week - Cleveland erupting and nearly wrecking the Steamers' season, and the Lions winning at home! All in all, the failures played pretty decently this week, with only one - you know who - really stepping up and grabbing the failing baton with full gusto.

The points for this week:

Tony Mandarich's Back Acne - 22
Team Hold Spoon Over Flame - 22
The Cleveland Steamers - 18
Gary Anderson Should've Just Gone Fucking Fishing - 15
Smelly Pirate Hookers - 11

Check the sidebar for updated overall standings - again keeping in mind that these do not reflect the team statistics, those will be calculated at the end of the season.

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There's no point in even setting this up, so let's just get on with it. This is probably going to be the easiest Daunte Culpepper award to give out for the year. Everyone should've seen it... it was, well it was a beautiful performance.


Ladies and gentlemen, Tarvaris Jackson!


During this year's draft, Tony Mandarich's Back Acne went out on quite a limb to draft the Vikings QB with the first selection, as it was the general consensus that it would be a better move to draft your team first. But TMBA wouldn't be swayed. He had seen the unbridled fear in the young long-legged QB from Minnesota, and had watched him repeatedly drop back into the pocket only to momentarily forget where he was and gun the ball either into the turf or into a linebacker's face. After a positive week 1, wherein he defeated the Atlanta Crunk-version of an NFL team, expectedly, he was lauded by the local media and fans alike. PEOPLE ACTUALLY WENT AND BOUGHT HIS JERSEY. Newsflash, Minnesota fans, he's going out like a bamboo skewer, broken into 3 pieces and launching balls into the cheering section. He'll be lucky to survive this season as a starter. He's gone in 2 years. We can't handle QBs of his... style, in this state. I'll leave it at that.

Anyway, after receiving praise for his "headiness" in week one, he went out to Ford Field on a mission to prove Tony Mandarich's Back Acne right for drafting him #1. Well buddy, mission accomplished.

He threw 33 passes. 12 of them were just incomplete. 4 of them were to Lions players.

His rating was 26.4.

He was pulled from the game in the 4th quarter when he broke his crotch dropping back to pass.

He was reinserted into the game in overtime, taking over for a man named Brooks, and promptly FUMBLED A SNAP to seal victory for the Lions. Alas, this somehow did not show up in the box score. Who do they attribute this fumble to? The tiny gerbil in Tarvaris' head that fell off the wheel?

He did everything in his power to piss this game away for the Vikings, and it worked. He threw passes that made him look like a fat kid in flag football. Then just when the Vikings needed to move the ball, he fell down grabbing his private area. What a fantastic game. And the best part is: he's going to start next week. God bless it, let's get back on the wagon, fans!