This was a topsy-turvy week around the ranks of failure, with a glorious return to form from a few players. There were some good, some bad, and the very confusing case of Tony Romo. But we'll get to him in a bit. The stats this week:
Team Hold Spoon Over Flame - 16
Gary Anderson Should've Stayed In The Goddamned Arena League - 13
Tony Mandarich's Back Acne - 11
Smelly Pirate Hookers - 8
The Cleveland Steamers - 6
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Well, at least we saw our boys dig deep and find their inner fail after last week's debacle. The performances were uneven, certainly, but I suppose it's true that even the losers get lucky sometimes. The outliers all seem to have congregated on The Cleveland Steamers this week... both his quarterback and wide receivers played well, and that doesn't cut the mustard in this league.
And then there is the curious case of Tony Romo.
The stats are all there: 6 turnovers, 49.9 rating, 21 incomplete passes, a few picks returned for touchdowns.
The problem is that he won the game, showing remarkable moxie as the clock wound down to bring his team back from the brink and deliver the victory.
I'm sorry, but in this league, we just cannot reward victory of any kind, especially when he showed such brilliance in the clutch.
Nope, sorry, this week, our winner is:
Jon Kitna!!!!
Jon and the Lions (nice pick, Team Hold Spoon Over Flame) went into Washington, where they often pretend to have a football team but really it's just a collection of vagrants and high-priced castoffs like Bruce Smith and Doug Williams (wait, is this the right decade?). They fought valiently, keeping the score tied through the first quarter. But all good things must come to an end, and this "good thing" of the Lions actually being competitive had to end sooner rater than later. They ended up losing 34-3 with Jon doing his best to prove how pathetic it was that he actually beat the Vikings earlier this season.
He only threw two interceptions, which is his average.
His rating, however, was a scant 34.6. That's not going to get it done if you want to have a successful life, which obviously Jon does not.
The best stat is that he threw the ball 29 times for 106 yards. That works out to an average of 3.7 yards per attempt. On the other side, Campbell averaged 8.6. That's less than half, loser!
And so, Mr. Kitna, for dooming your team to failure right from the beginning of the game, you earn this week's Daunte Culpepper Failure Award!
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