Week 8 is done, and we are now engaged in quite the horse race. It is getting brutal at the top, with a late comer threatening to pass everyone by in the 2nd half. The stats this week:
Smelly Pirate Hookers - 21
Team Hold Spoon Over Flame - 21
Gary Anderson Wore A Single Bar To Protect His Face, So He Would Have A Better View As The Kick Sailed Wide Left - 17
Tony Mandarich's Back Acne - 15
The Cleveland Steamers - 11
As you can see, it has been an incredible run by the Smelly Pirate Hookers to get back into contention. Left for dead after week 5, they have now pulled themselves within 1 point of 4th place, and with a few good weeks could easily take the lead. It's really been their quarterback play that has propelled them - having Jason Campbell in a game in which his team loses by 6 touchdowns is always going to pay dividends.
The other side of that coin is the tragic downfall of the Cleveland Steamers, now 19 points out of first place. The failure of Charlie Frye in week 1 was an illusion, and Damon Huard has stepped up to play so well in the last few weeks, he seems to have succeeded his way right out of contention. Even in his absence this week, J.P. Losman stepped up and posted a 143.8 rating, which is a phrase that never needs mentioning again. Quarterback is an important position in this game, and The Steamers seem to be spinning their wheels at the moment. Hopefully Damon will take a few more shots to the head next week and they'll be back on track.
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This week, the biggest failure was easy to spot. Just scanning the stats, there was one guy who truly stood out as being the biggest loser among a whole flock of not-good-enough-to-be-paid-what-they-make guys. Ladies and gentlemen, the winner of this week's Daunte Culpepper Failure Award is (FINALLY!)
Daunte Culpepper!
Daunte and his mink coat have been teasing us for weeks with the kinds of D-level performance that only works in Oakland. But he kept me wanting more - more of the kind of failure that we know he's capable of. Well, this week, he stepped up to bat.
He completed 15 of 32 passes. I think even Keith Miller, famed Menomonie quarterback from 1993, could complete 50% of his passes in the NFL.
He threw one pick which is a bit off his average, but he fumbled FOUR TIMES. Now, this league does not count fumbles against a quarterback - only fumbles lost count as turnovers, and Daunte only lost one of them - but to put the ball on the ground 4 times, well that really guarantees there were at least 4 plays in which the field was "broken" as they say. Which is also a word you would use to describe Daunte's life.
All of those years with the Vikings, Daunte's famous move was to "get his roll on" by spinning his forearms in a circle in a progressively faster motion, simulating rolling down the field. Is 3 field goals getting your roll on? Is throwing 4 touchdowns so far this season rolling down the field? How about the 7 fumbles so far? You need to vacuum that coat.
And so, for guaranteeing yet another Raiders loss by dropping the ball consistently, and for a wonderful 4 year long (and counting) fall from grace, Daunte, you receive this week's Daunte Culpepper Failure Award!
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2 side notes:
1. This blog is open to any and all participation. This post is the 100th, so in celebration, let's all try to contribute as much as we can in the way of commentary and posts. It only thrives if we all take part. An addendum to that is that I know that I don't ask much, but please be mindful of your rosters and tell me who you want to start for this coming week. I'm simply keeping your starters from the week before, so if a guy starts simply because another has a bye week, he's going to stay starting until you tell me to take him down.
It's not that much effort, possibly a total of five minutes per week. If you fail at failing, then I don't know what to tell you.
2. The Failure NBA draft is tonight, at 9pm central time. Check your email for more information. If you would like to participate and haven't received an email, let me know. We'll be using AIM chat. Many Timberwolves will be drafted.
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