Smelly Pirate Hookers - 13
Team Hold Spoon Over Flame - 12
The Cleveland Steamers - 12
Gary Anderson's Hair Wasn't Enough To Get That Ball To Go Through - 12
Tony Mandarich's Back Acne - 9
The way this is going, one week could make or break your season, so start the guys best suited to total failure!
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For this week's award, just as it was the first time, there was really no question. Ladies and gentlemen, our first two time award winner...
Tarvaris Jackson!
This guy is the gift that keeps on giving. Tony Mandarich's Back Acne recognizes what a terrible decision it was to draft Adrian Peterson, seeing as how he may well win the MVP this year, but taking Jackson with the first pick was unmitigated genius.
Last week at Dallas, Jackson threw 19 passes. 6 of them were complete. That's less than 33%. He's going to have to try to complete at least half of his passes if he wants to be a quarterback for a living.
Those 6 passes went for 72 yards. That came out to 3.8 yards per attempt. I think AP averaged 10 yards every time he touched the ball. Hey Childress, get off your sack!
His 44.2 rating was good for dead last among such greats as Culpepper and Leftwich.
He lead his team down the path toward a comical loss at the hands of the Cowboys, and then as the train barreled into Loser Station, he jumped off and broke his index finger. He is Questionable at being healthy enough to play next week, and Definite for not going to start again this year.
On the plus side, he didn't contribute any turnovers to the Cowboys. But honestly, with numbers like that, who needs turnovers? Punts will do quite nicely.
Jackson's performance isn't all roses though: as he played so poorly for yet another week, he has likely forced "Coach" Childress to start a backup by the name of Holcomb in the next game, which could end Jackson's reign of terror in Minnesota. We shall call this the "Joey Harrington" syndrome: when a quarterback performs so beautifully for your failure fantasy team that he is benched, there-by giving you no more points. So far, we've seen it in Sexy Rex Grossman, Charlie Frye, Joey "Joe" Harrington (although he's going to start next week! giddy up!) and now Tarvaris.
God bless this league.
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On a slightly related note: get your draft boards ready for the Failure Fantasy NBA Draft, coming early next week. I'll announce it when a time is determined. With the first pick, I would like to choose a Knick!
Any Knick!
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