But You Know It Ain't Stocks, Just Glocks And Popped Locks

They're coming down the stretch now, and it's an all-out fail-fest to the finish line. Who will step up and claim the inaugural Failure Championship banner? Will it be The Cleveland Steamers, which would complete the baseball-football sweep? Will it be the Smelly Pirate Hookers, who are charging at the finish line like the farm animals they are? Will it be Gary Anderson's Life Should End, who are pulling out a big lead behind some fantastic running backs and a quarterback who scored wayyyyyyyy below average on the Wunderlich?

One thing's for sure: if Team Hold Spoon Over Flame decides to start a quarterback who has no chance of playing, then it definitely WON'T be them.

The totals:

Gary Anderson's 35 In A Row Didn't Mean Jack Shit - 24
Smelly Pirate Hookers - 20
The Cleveland Steamers - 20
Team Hold Spoon Over Flame - 12
Tony Mandarich's Back Acne - 12

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We're going with a shared winner for this week's failure award, and it's not difficult to see why. All year, Team Hold Spoon Over Flame has virtually held a lock on the yards/catch category, his roster full of guys like Justin McCareins and Ted Ginn Jr. But this week, he made a switch, and it paid off in pure glory.

Ladies and gentlemen:



Joe Horn and Derrick Mason!

Let's start with Derrick. In losing to the Steelers by 31 points, Derrick managed to get himself 6 catches. Good work! His longest reception was 8 yards. Not good work! His average was 5.8 yards per catch.

And then Cell Phone Horn. Well, his team did actually pull out a victory against San Francisco, which is as hard as the act of waking up, and Joe contributed 4 catches. His longest was 7 yards. He also averaged 5.8 yards per catch.

And so, for running short slant routes that basically do your offense no good, and dropping half the passes thrown to you in the first place, Joe and Derrick, you guys take home the bacon this week! Congrats!