I Cold Stepped To You With A Fresh Pack Of Gum

Don't you love this time of year? The NFL season has devolved into teams either preparing for the playoffs, scratching and trying like hell just to MAKE the playoffs, or just plain giving up and watching their quarterbacks hurt themselves. This week alone we've seen 3 starting quarterbacks go down: Trent What's A Dilfer, Sexy Rexy, and Vince "Score On The Wunderlich's Going To Be Even Lower After A Shot To The Head" Young. Luckily for all of us, Vince will play next week.

The stats:

The Cleveland Steamers - 17
Tony Mandarich's Back Acne - 14
Smelly Pirate Hookers - 14
Gary Anderson Could've Made That With A Sand Wedge - 9
Team Hold Spoon Over Flame - 7


And we've got a new leader! After 4 weeks of near domination from Gary Anderson, The Cleveland Steamers have put together quite a run to regain the top spot. Nipping at the heels, as always, is Team Hold Spoon Over Flame, who's recent "upgraydde" to Kyle Orton at QB should bring in the kind of stats we celebrate in this league.

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And now for the award presentation. Ladies and gentlemen:



Vince Young!

(I would like to speak directly to Vince, if I may)

Oh Vince, what a performer you've been this season. The team that drafted you, Gary Anderson's Broken Life, has no idea this league even exists, let alone that you are his star player. Every week you come out and put up a sub-50 rating, hurling 2-3 picks and generally making all of us who spend so much time analyzing stats for our own team look stupid. It seems so effortless for you. And why shouldn't it? If you chart out the success of your life, I think you'll see a major spike 2 years ago, and since then a free-fall not unlike someone jumping out of a plane. The Texans were so scared off by your low intelligence that they took a dude from Maryland instead of the QUARTERBACK OF THE NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP TEAM THAT HAPPENS TO COME FROM TEXAS. And you know what? It was a good choice!

Vince, seriously, don't stop being you. Tony Mandarich's Back Acne hitched their trailer to your failure as well when they drafted the Titans as their team. Don't stop now. Keep driving that bus into the ravine, keep tossing it into the teeth of the defense, keep scrambling for 3 yards, keep getting dominated by hungry linebackers, keep having to be helped off the field. And most importantly, keep that dumb look on your face, that one that says "What the hell is going on here?"

Vince's line for this week: 13 for 21 passing with a 38.1 rating and 2 interceptions. He took a big shot to the head and wiped out half of his brain cells, which only kept him on the bench for a few snaps. He'll be back next week, and we'll all breathe a little easier.

Congratulations, Mr. Young!