Is it possible to run out of breath while speaking?

Oh MAN, is this guy gassed. What is that around his neck? An oxygen tank? A camera? Butte College football reporter... that looks good on a resume.

So simple, it's stupid

Let me see if I follow here:

This team is close to a Super Bowl.  "Closer than some think".  As long as the QB plays like Sanchez, they get a starting Left Tackle (which are growing on trees!), a deep-threat wide receiver (like Julio Jones or AJ Green, there are so many of them out there!), a starting safety, and one (2) starting cornerbacks.  It's a snap!

The winner though is the follow-up comment:  just draft a tackle in the first round, then a WR, then get a free agent guard.  Because every draft pick ever goes on to start and play 16 games as a rookie.  Every one!

When you are putting together your list for "things we need in order to get to a Super Bowl", and your argument is "it's really not that many things we need!", then I would say by the time you mention a FIFTH position that needs a significant upgrade, it might be time to just close the text document you've been working on and take a long walk.  Because by this rationale, Miami is right on the doorstep too.  If they just upgrade QB, O-line, WR and RB, they're in there, baby!

Oh, and...

Switcheroo

OK Vikings fans, let's talk hypothetical.  I'm going to give you a choice of two quarterbacks - stats only.  Which would you pick?  (These stats are through the first 4 games of the season)

Quarterback A:
74/131 (56%), 861 Yards, 5 TDs, 7 INT's

Quarterback B:
65/111 (59%), 680 Yards, 4TDs, 2 INT's

Now, by stats alone, who would you take?

Looks like Quarterback B makes fewer mistakes.  He doesn't throw for as many yards, but doesn't throw as often.  Probably the better choice, right?

Quarterback B is Donovan McNabb's stats through the first 4 games.  Coach Frazier is taking to the airwaves, consoling the Zubaz's by sticking by his QB and saying things will turn around.  As a matter of disclosure, McNabb was QB for my team most of last year.  My experiences were my advice to Viking fans this year: he won't win OR lose a game for you.  He's just there...don't let him throw deep...and he has no mobility.  Dink and dunk and run the ball, that's what you should do.

The Vikings have a Heisman runner-up on the team that seems to get 2 carries a game.  Wise move.  Whatever strengths McNabb still has (and it's not much) Frazier (sounds like Brazier...who's up for a Dilly Bar?) ignores.  Imagine - two headed monster of Peterson and Gerhart always in the backfield...carries could go either way.  Now, if they do that, you KNOW who's getting the ball.

Enough of that - let's suppose for whatever insane reason you chose Quarterback A.  You know the keeper of those stats?  That's BRETT FAVRE and his first 4 games last year.  Team went 1-3...and wasn't any better than this year.  Think back - were people calling for the Ol Gunslinger's head?!  Were there demands for Joe Webb to supplant the texter?

No, and no...which is yet another reason why the Vikings and their fans are so entertaining.  Maybe this is a waste of time...consider "Access Vikings" recent take:

"Again, it's not a slam against McNabb to suggest it's time for Ponder to start. At this point, there just doesn't seem to be any point in going forward with a quarterback who isn't going to be here next season."


Giving up already/Why did you sign him/Having trouble with this whole "draft" thing, errrrrrr?

With friends like these...

Hard to believe they're having trouble coming up with the support for this stadium.

Maybe someone like Diggz can convince the Ramsey County Commissioner to raise taxes...

Sid Hartman needs to retire

There, I said it.

Reason: the kind of shit like you'll read below has gone on his entire career.  I know he doesn't remember what he wrote yesterday, but since the Hometown Rag doesn't spot check these things, I'll have to do the honors.

September 4th, 2011, following a loss at then-ranked USC

"Well, all of those experts who selected the Gophers to go 0-8 during the conference season and 3-9 for the season will have to make another guess."

"[T]he new Gophers coach found out he had a team that could come back in the second half and play as well as they did in one of the toughest stadiums in the country for opponents to play in."

"Kill and his coaching staff should be praised for the great job they did in adjusting their defense at halftime."

"Now they return home for three games and a chance to get a lot better and surprise some of their conference foes."

September 25, 2011, following a loss at home to NORTH DAKOTA STATE


"Yes, this Gophers football team gave people some false hope when it outplayed one of the more ordinary Southern California teams in several years."

HOLD ON!  I thought this was a top notch team they played, in one of the "toughest environments" in college football!  You used the term "Hollywood" and that it shook up the Gophers in the first half...this can't be.  It's just a good thing YOU weren't given false hope, Sid, because you've seen it all.  You're not "some people."

"More false hope came last week when the Gophers beat a Miami (Ohio) team that is 0-3 and struggling after being favored for the Mid-American Conference title."

Hey, folks in Minnesota.  Did ANYONE think all was well after being taken to the dick by Miami of Ohio and winning on the last play of the game?


"This team wasn't going to show any consistency with the few good football players recruited by former coach Tim Brewster who are now seniors."

But you just LOVE the rah-rah guys!  Just like Lou!  We'll never be able to tell you exactly WHY he got fired, because messy facts get in the way, Sid.  If Coach Kill can't win with these good Brewster players - what now?

Glen Mason coached this team to some success.  His thoughts were included in your column.

"He and his staff have their own system. Let's face it, I think ... the great recruits that were coming to Minnesota [under Brewster] probably weren't as good as advertised."

Sid neglected to add that Mason followed up this sentence with "Hey, at least I BEAT NDSU...but I make more cash now.  Good luck, Sid.  Sure, I can open that bag of peanuts for you."

A metaphor for the entire coming Vikings season

"We thought it would be a good idea to run the wildcat with a QB who can't keep the pee out of his pants, and also I'm not sure what you mean by 'turn the 9/11 ribbon the right way'."

Excuse me, Mr. Reusse . . .

Let me put out a few disclaimers:
A. I realize Jerry Kill hasn't won a game, yet.
B. I realize I could be getting ahead of myself.
C. Maturi is a combo between lucky and awful.

That being said, let's see what someone wrote on 12/05/2010.

"There are several questions to be asked of the M&M boys, Joel Maturi and Dave Mona, but here's the one that most intrigues a beat-up old sportswriter:

If you were going to the Mid-American Conference to find a new football coach for the Gophers, why didn't you hire the guy who won the MAC title game on Friday night, rather than the loser?

Miami (Ohio) was a 17 1/2-point underdog to Northern Illinois in Ford Field. Final: Miami 26, NIU 21.

And what did our traveling tandem do after that result came in? They hired Jerry Kill, 49, the coach who lost as a large favorite, rather than Mike Haywood, 46, a coach responsible for a rapid turnaround of downtrodden Miami."

Cool, Pat. Mike Haywood you say. Let's take a look at Mike Haywood a month after Reusse's post:

Haywood was arrested about 3 p.m. Friday after a custody issue developed with a woman with whom Haywood has a child, police said. The unidentified woman told police that Haywood grabbed her by the arm and neck and pushed her as she tried to leave the home that Haywood owns in South Bend, Ind., where he once was a Notre Dame assistant.

Your thoughts, Pat?

You can't hide the "gold"

Roughly a year ago, I posted found footage of Nebraska's 80+ life adjustment to the beloved Gophers.  That video has since been "removed by user."

Well, huskersrecap.com was kind enough to re-post the footage.  With the Maroon and Gold due to play them again at home this fall...here's a refresher.



Why do I guess that Sid wrote something like "Gopher reserves show promise at end"

In other news, Peyton Manning is also not coming to Minnesota

Oh my god, Viking fans, you never cease to amaze.

Let's do a couple of facts here:

According to most sources, the Vikings are dangerously close to the salary cap, stunting their ability to sign even an replacement player for this upcoming season.

Larry Fitzgerald is not a replacement player.

The Arizona Cardinals have approximately 14 million dollars in cap room.

----------------------------------------------

How exactly did we get here?  Well, the good old Minnesota Mindset got us here.  It goes something like this....


"This guy wants to come to Minnesota.  Maybe he doesn't know it yet, but he wants to.  He's from here.  He's one of us.  He would come home, if he could.  He's a good receiver.  We need a good receiver.  I don't understand things like numbers and dollars, but I know I like watching guys like Chad Greenway because his name is easy to pronounce.  So is Klein-sauce.  Me and my buddies call him "Sauce".


Anyway, Fitzgerald's out there, and we should go get him, because we have a football team that he could play for.  So get it done.  (Pause)  It's done.  He's coming here.  I read it on a Star Tribune comment.  He's coming here."

---------------------------------------------------------------

In what alternative universe would Larry Fitzgerald coming to the Vikings make sense?  This is a team that dumped hundreds of millions on olds like Jared Allen and Steve Hutchinson.  Then they've got Peterson to think about.  Now they draft a young cheap QB, and then spend too much money on an old one.  The roster looks like it is constructed by monkeys.  Where would the money come from for Larry?

And furthermore, why is the reaction to his signing a contract extension that he is "not coming to Minnesota"?  He's also not going to 30 other teams in the league.  This would be funny if it was a joke, but its tone is serious.  "Awww damn, we missed out on Larry".   Newsflash guys, you missed out on a lot this offseason, and you're going to be missing out BIG TIME in the coming years.

Vikings fans STILL don't have what they want

You would think that they would be happy!  I mean...McNabb is joining this list: 

Quarterbacks the Vikings pick-up well after they became good and/or famous:
Archie Manning
Jim McMahon
Warren Moon
Randall Cunningham
Brett Favre

So, he must have some gas left, right?  Hell, he can overthrow a receiver just like a rookie can.  Just ask me.  But yet, there's this comment on CBS Sports...
_______________________________________________________
Posted on: July 28, 2011 2:07

Log-in to rate:Donovan McNabb trade to Vikings 'done'

Being born and raised in Minn, I am a die hard Viking fan. I dont like chilly either. Neither does my sisters living in MN who have season tickets. I want Bud back.!!!! (there has to be a coach like him somewhere for the Vikes)
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You know, the Vikings DID get Bud back.  He returned after the Steckel season and lead the team to a losing record.  It was all "thanks for righting the ship" talk but...you bring a guy out of retirement to coach one year?  That was a very MN polite "thanks for helping but...that'll do."
 
Yet, his legacy sticks in the minds of some people who weren't even conceived yet.  If they could only have a guy "like" Bud...
 
If only our porch was finished...my wife and I could have friends over but GEEEEEEEE

At least they got back Napoleon Harris for Moss, right?

Cross Post Bonanza

As seen here, I've dug up some gems from olden days, and I feel it's only appropriate to cross-post them on as many blogs as I can. Should I be Tweeting this too?

-----------------------------------------------------------

A higher-res version of this picture... between this and the Timberwolves' "Buy a can of corn and get free tickets to the game which are actually worth less than the can of corn" promo, I think we've got two pictures to clearly sum up these franchises.

Nobody wants it more than me, huh?
22 days after this issue hit the stands, Randy drove his car the wrong way into construction, over a traffic cop who was ordering him to stop.  Cops found marijuana in his car.  He was charged with assault with a deadly weapon (his Lexus) and possession.  Luckily the "Randy Ratio" really helped his team on the field... to a 6-10 record.

Hey there!  Do yourself a favor and read some of that article.... this kind of stuff in hindsight just makes me giddy. Hey, was there any pressure on you?  If you've never done so, I highly suggest checking out the Esquire article on Todd and his father... great stuff.

Also, who let Ashley Shaeffer into Todd's photo shoot?

Finally, we have Nate Newton. First of all, I did not know that Nate was nicknamed "The Kitchen". Apparently he ballooned up to over 400 pounds after his retirement (not surprising), and had the gastro-bypass surgery, dropping him to a svelte 220. Hey, way to go, Nate.

He also was arrested twice in 2001 for possessing almost 400 GODDAMNED POUNDS OF MARIJUANA.

No wonder he had put on so much weight.  (that was an easy one)

Even when the Vikings WIN...

God bless you, Burnsie...you are nothing but gold.  If only we could hear his responses on the 2010 season...






"This game reminds me of a Cleveland Brown game we won at old Met Center."

Another update from fans who wanted Jeff George over Randall Cunningham

Well, the Fail-Vikes are failing again, this time by their rookie quarterback hiring none other than Chris Weinke to help them with workouts.

And of course, there's some controversy.  Take it away, commenter:

First, I'd like to point out that the word "Ponder" appeared next to the words "Brees", "Manning" and "Brady" in the same sentence.  Let's try that out for me:

One time, Drew Boatman attempted to grow a mustache and hair appeared on his upper lip like Tom Selleck, Sam Elliott and Wilford Brimley.

Nope, something's wrong there.

But then, he goes and pulls a "Vikings Fan".  When you can't outwardly be racist (and around here, believe me, you can't) you've always got the old fallback... criticize the "work ethic".  Yep.  Harvin is lazy.  So's Rice.  They just don't work hard.  Never mind that they are two of the best players in the NFL at their position.  "LAAAAAAAAAAAAAZY".

I just wish Randall Cunningham had put the time in at the film-room like Jeff George.

The grand sum of all Viking fans, rolled into one entity

Lack of brains in heads

Here's a quick primer to bring you up to speed:

The Vikings would like to build a stadium.  They need to put together a billion dollar package to make this happen.

The Metrodome, where they currently play, looks like this:

They have a few options.  The first is to tear down the Metrodome and build a stadium on that site.  The second is to tear down the Farmer's Market in Minneapolis and build it there.  The third option is to build it on an old ammunition dump in Arden Hills.

These are all simple, easy choices.  They all have benefits, weaknesses, challenges, etc.

But nobody in this entire state is making an informed choice as to which is better.  Why?  Because there isn't a single source of information out there that isn't so far fucking skewed because they have something to gain in the deal.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Let's start with the easy target:  The Star Tribune.  To read their "reporting" on the matter, there would be no doubt in your mind that the only feasible option is to build it on the Metrodome site and keep the team in Minneapolis.  As the rest of "Vikings Nation" shouts approval of actually moving on the Arden Hills location, the Star Tribune is VERY QUICK to point out that this thing still has a long way to go in the legislature, and that there are road infrastructure upgrades that are necessary.  Why are they like this?  OH, IS IT BECAUSE THEY FUCKING OWN ALL THE LAND AROUND THE METRODOME??????  They've been sitting on it for decades, just waiting for that payout.  And if the Vikings move to the suburbs?  Oh shit, they're fucked.  No one uses the dome, and suddenly their land is utterly worthless.

Let's keep in mind... this is a media organization.  I can't think of a way in which a medium could have a larger conflict of interest.  It's not possible.  Let's also bring in the fact that the Star Trib is losing money, as are all newspapers, and this is the last gamble that just HAS to go right.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, so if you read stadium news in the Star Tribune, you are an idiot.  So where else do you go?  The Pioneer Press?  Well, here we run into a thornier problem.... St. Paul sure has wanted to take away the Twins and Vikings for, what, 50 years?  The media organizations in St. Paul are utterly blind to reality... all they know is that a stadium in Ramsey County means they "won" and, more importantly, Minneapolis "lost".  I live over here now, and it just stuns me that people from St. Paul view Minneapolis as "dangerous" and "rowdy".  YOU GUYS ARE LIKE THE SAME FUCKING CITY.  Does Fargo feud with Moorhead like this?  If Baldwin and Woodville can get along, why can't the Twin Cities???

The Pioneer Press makes sure to mention how massive this project is, trying to rev up interest, and how unsettled the Minneapolis stadium site is.  This headline says it all:  Vikings have "concerns" about Minneapolis site.

For fuck's sake.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

So, you can't trust any local media outlet.  So, do you go national?  Oh, heavens no.  The national press absolutely has their hand wrapped 'round the knob of the NFL, so ANY stadium news is GREAT GREAT GREAT.  Take a look at that horeshit article... it's not until the FIFTEENTH paragraph that they mention this:

The stadium discussion had been largely put off at the Capitol as legislators struggle to resolve a $5 billion state deficit. It picked up speed last week, with Dayton saying he had met privately with the Wilfs and that he was ready to sign a stadium bill.

OH WHAT'S THAT, THE STATE IS BROKE??? No bother, because the governor wants it.  GO NFL GO!!!  Outlets like the AP, ESPN, Yahoo, etc, they ALL stand to gain from new stadiums and by proxy, NFL success.  The bigger the league gets, the more readers they have, simple.

Also, in that article, what the fuck is this:

Rosen's bill calls for the state to raise its share with a 10 percent state sales tax on sports memorabilia, a sales tax on luxury seats at the new stadium and on digital video recorders, and proceeds from stadium naming rights and a football-themed state lottery game.

What the shit?  How can you add sales tax on luxury seats at the new stadium?  Wouldn't that just be the price of the seats?  Like "Hey, these luxury boxes are 10,000 dollars per game.  But there is going to be a 10% "tax" on that, the revenue from which will go to pay off the state.  YOU WANT ONION RINGS WITH THAT?"  Just make the price higher.  It's like building a mall, then using a really high tax on everything sold in the mall to pay it off.  Makes no sense.

And what is this about digital video recorders?  So everyone that goes and buys a Flip from Best Buy in Minnesota kicks in for the stadium?  Why not just tax Fuji apples?  Shocks and struts from Autozone?  I love this state... just when you think they can't possibly tax anything else, they just raise the price of Handicams.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ok, so you can't trust the local media.  You can't trust the national media.  You sure as shit can't trust what any single politician says about this, because they literally are incapable of making a decision.  The state is 5 billion dollars in the red (or the black... or whatever the bad one is), but there are LOTS of Vikings fans, and they tend to yell dumb things at Town Halls.  So you can't trust them.  What's left?  TO THE GROUPTHINK-MOBILE!

You see, the last bastion of information is the Vikings blogs.  This tenuous gathering of ill-informed homers are completely blind to almost every economic and social reality in modern America.  They know only one thing:  GET THE STADIUM DONE SO I CAN WATCH GREENWAY!

Take a look at this:

I only have one question in this whole stadium issue:
Zygi, what took you so long?
There were three things that struck me about the stadium unveiling yesterday in Arden Hills:
1)  What a GREAT FREAKING PLAN!
2)  Minneapolis is butt hurt, and that kind of makes me smile.
3)  Bud Grant is STILL awesome, and I think if he asked me to, I would try and run through a wall for him.

I don't have anything to say here.  Nothing.  This is a perfect encapsulation of Vikings fans.  Anything I say would just detract from that perfect fail.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

So, in summary, there is no truth but the truth which you believe.  Which could be anything.  And what does it really matter?  It's been a long slide down into the muck, but don't worry, the last few feet will pass quickly.  Sorry LA, it looks like the mouth-breathers will win again.  And to think... we could've BOTH been happy.

Win Away the Pounds!

Rex, I heard a rumour, and I don't know if it's true.  It was that you're on another diet.  This diet consists of only eating carry-out chili.  Is it working?

"Fuuufffffffffffffffffffffff."

Well, this will likely become my signature at the end of each and every blog post

"With the twelfth selection in the 2011 draft, Minnesota selects..."

How'd that 3rd round pick work out?

Not exactly a scientific poll, but...

I mean, I don't know what it means, but it can't be good.

"Hmm... didn't have him on my draft board."

Oh my...

by Tswing on Mar 8, 2011 2:29 PM CST



Well i dont think we are going to get Gabbert, and I personally dont want Newton; and with question marks at all the other quarterbacks in the draft why not use one of our 5th round picks and snag a hometown boy. Last year there was a little talk about grabbing Decker, which we didnt do and with all the injuries to the WR core last year we definately could have used him. I was real big on Decker coming out of the draft last year mainly because of the fact he would have been the Vikings version of Joe Mauer. With another opportunity with Weber, I dont see what we have to lose. At 6'3" 220 lbs, he seems to have the size. With 50 starts, he seems to have the experience; and with 56 touchdowns he seems to have the arm. Today Spielman is at the pro day with Weber and with Spielman choosing to go to the Gopher's pro day as opposed to Auburn or Arkansas - I think he is contemplating the same thing. So what do you think - draft weber? Get our hometown hero?

THAT'S THE GREATEST THING I'VE EVER READ ABOUT SPORTS IN THIS STATE. EVER.

I'm so happy to fail!

Oh lord, I don't see how you could fail more.

Bring on the season!

Howdy friend, beggin' your pardon...

I think it's going to rain,
What's the difference?

Funny how?

What the fuck is so funny, Peter? Are you wandering around this locker room hoping that one of the towel boys has an old #4 jockstrap so you have something to eat for dinner? Or is it because now you get to make Rodgers out to be a gunslinging kid-out-there asshole like you do to everyone?

HATE. PETER. KING.

I'm sorry, I must have got off on the wrong floor...

Because when Skipwinkle Jones said "We're going to go live to Randy Moss in Green Bay with the fan's reaction", I didn't think I'd see this.

See if you can count the open mouths. Mouth-breathing.

The Worst Blog Post, By The Worst Fan, In American History

Folks, we have some success to celebrate at this blog, for the first time in its existence.

(eats slaw dog, takes long draw from can of Steel Reserve)

Ok, that's over. Way to go and all that. Let's get back to talkin' failure.

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I love Viking fans. I really do. They are so utterly incapable of seeing themselves for what they are, and what the rest of the world perceives them to be. They have no memory at all, but yet seem to be steeped in a majestic "tradition", as though Bud Grant making them play without heaters on the sideline equals some kind of success as a franchise. That's like saying the Mad Hungarian's beard saved baseball in Kansas City. True, it was awesome. But they don't hang banners for awesome.

I'll try to shed some light on this horrible, horrible group of people. Pro sports has never known irony and idiocy so perfectly in tune as it does with modern day purple fans.

Let's start here:

I would love to just paste the entire article here, and then type FAIL at the end of it, but we need to open this lovely tulip and really understand what it is about.

I'm not going to sit here and praise the Green Bay Packers, or tell you how much respect I have for them or their players or their coaches or their fans. Why? Because if I were to say those things, there's not a damn one of you that would believe me anyway, and with good reason. My saying those things would be a straight-up, bald-faced lie, and I have too much respect for my fellow fans of the Minnesota Vikings to sit here and lie to you. I still don't have any respect for them or their players or their coaches or the overwhelming majority of their fans, and wouldn't if they won the next twenty Super Bowls. Why? Because they're a rival. . .and if people don't understand that, that really isn't my problem.

Well, here we go. DAMMIT ALL, WHO I GIVE RESPECT TO MATTERS. This reads like the idiot who is rooting anti-Pack at the Super Bowl party just because dick-texter wasn't quite what he used ter be this season. YOU GUYS ARE BECOMING THE RED SOX. Every single action is viewed through the lens of their own inferiority. *SIGH* Ok, let's get this shit clear: Dick-texter threw a pass to Desmond Bishop that went the other way for a touchdown, and the Packers defeated the Vikings in Lambeau. Then Greg Jennings scored 3 touchdowns when Madieu Williams decided he didn't want to cover OR tackle anymore. 2 victories on the season. THAT WAS THE LAST TIME ANYONE ASSOCIATED WITH THE PACKERS GAVE A SHIT ABOUT ANYTHING THE VIKINGS DID, EVER. Sure, it was nice to see D-T'er being toss'd to the frozen ground against the Bears while his teammates literally did nothing to help him up, but that was more just for fun. And the last loss of the season, to the Lions? PURE ART. But really, we weren't sitting here judging our success this season against the Vikings. Those two wins were nice, sure, but almost every other game meant more.

But not to Vikings fans. That's not how it works. Their child-like reflexes kick in when Green Bay or Chicago has success. "OH BUT HELL LOOK AT HOW GOOD THEY ARE, I MUST JUSTIFY WHY I ROOT FOR THE VIKINGS". Jesus, man. Just watch your team, pull for them, and then watch the Super Bowl just like every other fan from all of the other 30 teams that aren't playing in it.

Again, I can't drive this home enough.... YOU WOULD THINK THEY WOULD BE USED TO IT BY NOW. Holy christ, did you people just become fans this season? Is this your first dick-punch? They haven't played in the big one since.... that can't be right.... 1977?!?!?!?! Watching the Super Bowl and having no rooting interest should be fucking second nature by now. I just don't get it. I understand the concept of rivalries, believe me, the Bears can kiss the pink and all that. But I don't judge my rooting interest for the Packers based on anything any other team does unless it's doing it directly, to the Packers, right then. If the Bears make the Super Bowl? I'm not cheering for them, obviously. But I'm not at home rubbing my signed Keith Woodside boxing puppet (which I obtained when I saw the Packers play the Harlem Globetrotters in Eau Claire and yes that really happened) telling myself how great it is to be a fan and how I'm so fucking strong for making it through these moments.

It's at a time like this when we, the members of the fan base that has gotten kicked in the teeth with a greater regularity and a greater frequency than any other fan base in the National Football League (and there's not a close second), need to once again take inventory of what's important. And that starts with those three little words that we tend not to think about a whole lot of the time.

It's. . .just. . .football.

YOUR... SEASON... ENDED... IN... OCTOBER.

Despite what you may believe, dear fan, the Packers winning this Super Bowl didn't bring down the curtain on your season. That happened when Dick-Texter peed his pants against the Jets.

Former First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt said it best when she said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."

But then she went on to say, "Also, a cursory understanding of facts and history can, in the absence of your consent, make you inferior". Look, the Vikes are fucking star-crossed, everyone can see that. But you don't make up for that horrible history of failure and comical ineptness by "not letting it get to you" and "weathering the storm". You get over it by, you know, winning.

And damn it all, because we are Viking fans, we are inferior to nobody in the world of NFL fans.

Again, this is a perfectly reasonable attitude to have... no one can illegitimize your fan-dom for a particular team. The Vikings are run by sleazebags and A-faces, but I can't tell those fans not to cheer for that team. Fine. But the thing that stinks to high heaven about statements of this ilk are what causes them. Did the Packers winning the big one make you go into that dark section of your pea-brain that tells you cheering for the Vikings makes you a naughty boy? Did you re-evaluate and strengthen your allegiance to your team because the fucking PACKERS had success? What in the holy hell is the matter with you people? If Detroit goes .500 next year, does that make you buy an Al Noga jersey and talk about the Good Ol' Days?

Ladies and gentlemen, regardless of what you might read in any stupid poll or what anyone with a mind-boggling superiority complex might have to say to you, Minnesota Viking fans are the best damn fans in the National Football League. Nobody else is close.

Attendance figures as well as blog posts like the one being quoted here run contrary to that statement.

You know what the Steeler fans said after they lost the Super Bowl? "Great season, too bad we fell short". No, seriously. They didn't whine and scream and poop their pants with hate. They casually evaluated the season in a rational manner. AND THEY WERE IN THE FUCKING GAME. It wasn't that the Browns were playing and they were frothing at the mouth with misplaced anger.... they were actively rooting for one of the participants. I know, strange.

Here is a sampling of comments taken in the moments after the 4th down failed:

i am proud of this team
by UFrazzel on Feb 6, 2011 10:05 PM EST

agreed
by tkired on Feb 6, 2011 10:06 PM EST

oh well...helluva season still!
by HtownSteelerFan on Feb 6, 2011 10:05 PM EST

Ah well Three turnovers, what can you do
by Alba on Feb 6, 2011 10:05 PM EST

Well, great game to the end fellas, proud to be a black and gold and it was a fun ride
by screamedia on Feb 6, 2011 10:06 PM EST

All well one hell of a season
by WVPiratesfan on Feb 6, 2011 10:06 PM EST

Onto the draft! Great season.
by eric. on Feb 6, 2011 10:06 PM EST

They are typing that immediately after the ball falls to the ground and they lose the Super Bowl. If there was ever a time to be freaking the fuck and spitting hate about everything in sports, that is the time. But nope, it's "Onto the draft!"

Now let's check on the Vikings blog. Keep in mind that the Minnesota Vikings fans have not played a game that meant jack shit since October 24th of 2010.

ugh.
by ArizonaVikingsFan on Feb 6, 2011 9:05 PM CST

Fuck
by free7694 on Feb 6, 2011 9:05 PM CST

Fucked we are, officially.
by AustrianViking on Feb 6, 2011 9:05 PM CST

puke
by Koller007 on Feb 6, 2011 9:05 PM CST

That sucks!
by chaosg on Feb 6, 2011 9:05 PM CST

FML
by eltwentyone on Feb 6, 2011 9:05 PM

Can't watch BSPN all week. I hate GB more than al-Qaida.
by free7694 on Feb 6, 2011 9:05 PM CST

Packers now wear bullseye in 2011
by Mel Allen on Feb 6, 2011 9:06 PM CST

Come on Packer fans.... Tell us how stupid and ignorant and retarded we are…. I’m ready for it.
by gerkvoltage on Feb 6, 2011 9:06 PM CST

Frick.
by Seracon on Feb 6, 2011 9:06 PM CST

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm this officially sucks
by eltwentyone on Feb 6, 2011 9:06 PM CST

I'm now turning off the TV.
by chaosg on Feb 6, 2011 9:06 PM CST

well..time for the whiskey.. Not gooing into work tomorrow..getting fucked up now..pardon my french
by PURPpplEATER on Feb 6, 2011 9:06 PM CST

I'M SORRY, COME AGAIN??? YOU ARE NOT GOING INTO WORK TOMORROW BECAUSE YOUR TEAM HAD TO START JOE WEBB FOR 3 GAMES?!?!!? Because it couldn't be that the Packers just won the Super Bowl. That would be stupid. Because... I thought you were the best fans in the world? Nobody could make you feel inferior, etc. etc.??? It's just football, and all that? No?

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Everything is cyclical and time waits on no one. The business of the NFL is to spread the cookie jar around to each and every location so that every single fan can feel special. So I recognize the logical conclusion of all this parity. And so if I sit here in 13 years and the Gold hasn't done a goddamn thing since, well, that just sucks. But I don't picture myself going into the recesses of my reptile brain and consoling myself with bullshit platitudes about how we have the "best fans in the game". And when the Purple raise that banner, I won't drink whiskey and miss work the next day.

Whenever you have to force yourself to feel better about the team you cheer for, you are already battling such an inferiority complex, that it needs no assistance from outside sources. Packer fans don't have to "come in here and tell you how stupid you are".

You're doing just fine on your own.