Andruw Jones: Still Failing

The downward trajectory that is Andruw Jones (since his glory days) is truly a site to behold.  It started in Los Angeles (read here) and continued through his tour of duty with the Rangers (hey, above the Mendoza line again) and the White Sox (helping them blow it down the stretch against the Twins.)  Finally, he went to where all-stars go to die: the Yankees, and played like his career was over in 2012.  That's that for Andruw, and we can forget about him and his name spelling, and move on with life.

Then we read this headline:

More details emerge on Andruw Jones' domestic assault arrest

Uh oh. Seems that Andruw was arrested on Christmas morning, as good people are, due to some sort of an argument with his wife. Atlanta Journal-Constitution, take it:

[His wife] pulled away and attempted to go upstairs, according to the report, but Jones grabbed her by the ankle, pulled her down and put his hands around her neck and said, "I want to kill you, I want to [expletive] kill you."

What a guy, folks.  The end of the article is even more bizare:

Although the police report notes that Jones's wife suffered "visible injuries," Jones is free on $2,400 bail.

So, in Georgia, you can threaten to kill someone...the person you threaten to kill suffers "visible injuries" from you, and you're out on $2,400.  Sounds fair.

We can only wonder if Andruw will make it to Japan to play next year, but in the meantime, let's help him get used to a new Japanese translation:

失敗 

I think I got off on the wrong floor again

Because....

Didn't Hrbie cap Laudner a few years back too?  Was Dan Plesac involved?  Please tell me Greg Brock is OK.  What about Tommy Trebelhorn?  Still rocking that mullet?

So many questions here.  I sure hope Rob Deer wasn't out in the woods with them... sorry, that was an easy one.

That seems about right

No need for a Sid headline

... when you can perfectly summarize the sports consciousness in this town with one headline:

It's a close game, A.J.

A passed ball here would hurt the White Sox.  You guys were up 5-1 at one point and now the game is tied, so you'd - uh oh...

Well done, lunkhead - another Dodger comeback victory!

In response to the Vikings stadium...

Victory!

I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU

Notre Dame, I hate you so much.

Football Bowl Subdivision conference commissioners, Notre Dame athletic director Jack Swarbrick and other college football officials Thursday agreed to eliminate eight-team and 16-team playoff proposals...

Oh just PISS OFF. "Hey, let's get together and decide how the post-season is run, oh and make sure we invite THE IRISH." 

I almost can't blame Notre Dame.  I mean, the NCAA has been letting them get away with this shit for a hundred years, why change?  Why join a conference when every game of yours is already on a major network?  Why risk joining the Big 10 and finishing behind Michigan?  No, it's the NCAA that takes the blame.  "Duhhhhh, we have two sets of rules:  one for every college ever, and one for the Catholic one, Duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh".

BYU and Notre Dame.  Just two of the worst colleges, ever.

It's simple. We have always been at war with Oceania.

Don't you stop, Vikings.  Don't you ever stop.

"We did a lot of research. I think you guys know us well enough now that we have had success with guys with character issues that have come into this organization and have been very productive, not only on the field but as citizens," Spielman said.

Oh, ok.  You have had success?

Let's just take a look back through history, then we'll decide.

Did I hit them all?

Can any of them complete a pass to Charles Woodson, though?

You're doing it wrong

Your name... is GreenBaySux?

So, rather than comment on your own professional allegiance, or your personality in any way whatsoever, you choose a handle that reflects your dislike of a superior organization?

Oh MAN.  I love this.  Red Sox, much?

From the depths of my memory

The NFL playoffs are here...and for some reason came what I thought was a drug-fueled flashback.  For some reason, before Super Bowl XL, I remember an idiotic cartoon with Harrison Ford reading Dr. Seuss.  Did that actually happen?  What that REALLY the opening of the telecast?

Yes, it was.  Whoever came up with this was clearing taking the WRONG drug.