November 10, 2011

Vikes are in control, so you better hold on

This one's going to need some breaking down:

Now, I could very easily just post every single one of these videos and let it stand as the #1 indicator of a fan culture gone completely off the rails, but that would likely end in this blog being shut down due to awfulness.  So instead, let's get into the highlights here:

First of all, the opening sound effect... I understand that is supposed to be the Viking horn that sounds in Mall Of America Hubert H. Bud Grant Field every time the Vikings do something positive (which sometimes means "Jim Kleinsasser falling down after catching a pass instead of fumbling"), but it is not.  This is a cheap ringtone version of that sound.  So right off the bat, we've got production value THROUGH THE ROOF.


0:29 - I'm sorry, what the hell is happening here?  It sure looks like Jim Gaffigan there is wearing an EJ Henderson jersey while Monster Truxx behind him tosses a football to and fro whilst pulling a Gas Face.  Is that correct?

0:33 - "This game will not be close"  LAS VEGAS AGREES WITH YOU, BABY-HEAD.

0:35 - Nothing says "relevant" like the Randy Moss jersey.  Why'd you keep the Leo Lewis in the closet?  Bust that sucker out!

0:50 - Nice of you to get the librarian in on the action.  Good form.

0:56 - Wearing the Cris Carter jersey while crumpling up a photograph of the Packers?  Is this 1995?  Why not show someone deleting a message left on their answering machine while rocking the Wade Wilson?

1:06 - Unfinished basements ROCK



2:16 - Honest to god, are you showing a Herschel Walker highlight?  Am I in a bizarro universe?  If I was a fan of the purple, I would dedicate my entire life to forgetting every single thing about that man and his time on my team.  Just a lifetime of "Who? I'm sorry, I don't remember him..."  Instead, here's some of his best plays!  Rich history!  No heaters on the sidelines and Jim Marshall!

2:49 - Oh dear.


All in all, I counted two jerseys in the entire video that were of current players:  EJ Henderson and a Purple Jesus cameo at the very end.  Even the Packer jersey they were using to wipe the television?  HE'S DEAD NOW, PEOPLE.  This video represents so much to me.  "DURR WASN'T IT AWESOME WHEN DUANTE AND RANDY DURR'D???"

If I saw a single person wearing an Alan Page jersey, I would shake that person's hand.  If I saw someone bust out Ahmad Rashad?  INSTANT WINNER.  But people don't seem to remember Randy Moss.  Nobody is being honest.  I was here when he was here, and people HATED him.  Everything he did was greeted in the media with open mocking.  That "straight cash homey" bit?  That was replayed and mocked endlessly.  They couldn't wait to run him out of town because he "didn't have the work ethic" and "wasted his talent".  And how many fucking jerseys do you see of him around town now?  THOUSANDS.

Vikings fans subscribe to such a screwed up version of historical thought.  "WE SUCK, FIRE EVERYONE"  (ten years later)  "REMEMBER WHEN MOSS WAS THE BEST???"  I suppose it's not their fault... they don't have any actual success to celebrate, so they latch on to what, for most every other team, would be minor achievements.  Then they attach undying praise on these achievements and treat them as part of "Vikings Lore".

It's all very sad.


Oh, and there's simply no way I could go without posting this:

You're welcome.

1 comment:

Trip Darvez said...

Strangest thing in the EA Sports video? Not the President, or the fact that the Super Bowl will now have the same boring logo every year (did they get advice from the NCAA about this?).

It was McNabb holding what seemed to be a game MVP award, and seen running for a touchdown.