Dirty Old Town

OH HELL YES.

Folks, it's back.  That feeling that was whisked away when ol' Number 4 threw to the WRONG TEAM in New Orleans.  That unbridled optimism.  That disconnection with reality.  That old wind, she blows again.

Vikes fans in the early days had their guard up all the time.  Those 4 Big Dance losses in 11 years kept them permanently expecting the worst (and delivering!).  But then came a prolonged period of sucking, to which they responded by letting the guard down a little.  It came down more and more each year, as they started building a few pieces in the 90s.  By the time they came out with that fucking "Miami" parody in 98, the guard was all the way down.  Hands at the sides, like Roy Jones, taunting.  Gary lines up for that kick and they are already raising their hands in triumph.

Then they were somehow simultaneously punched in both the mouth and crotch.

The guard stayed up for awhile thereafter.... it remained all the way through 2001 (41-0) and most of the 2000s.  Even when dick-texter came over, they still kept the guard up.  But AP had been helping them lower it a little bit at a time.  He would peel off 200 yard games and the hands would drop just a tad.  D'Ter would throw to Greg Lewis in the back of the end zone... a little more.  They would rout the overrated Cowboys and D'Ter would slap an defensive lineman's ass... almost all the way down.

Then they would go to New Orleans FULLY EXPECTING A WIN.



The punch landed so square that the fans literally did not know what to do.  Nobody had any idea how to react.  The radio man screamed like a buffoon.  The coach was on the chopping block.  The fans constantly alternated between hating him and trying to get excited for the next season.  But make no mistake about it... the guard was back up.  All the way up.

Since Tracy Porter picked D'Ter off to end any hope of actual success, it's been quite a comedy of errors for the purple.  Brett took pictures of his scroto-sack and sent it to a woman who was not his wife.  They traded for Randy Moss, then cut him.  D'Ter was toss'd to the ground head first, and not even a member of his team would help him up.  He was hit in the face on a pass, leading to an interception, which led to his replacement by Tar-Var, who somehow had the game of his life.  The coach had to sit and listen to his home stadium chanting "FIRE CHILDRESS" louder than they had cheered all season long.  More recently, everyone has stopped trying, they are being outcoached by Todd Haley and Lovie Smith, and the cornerback choked a woman and spent the weekend in jail.  Needless to say, things aren't going well.

When they traded for Donovan McFatts, I would have to say that was when the guard had reached its apex.  Nothing could hit them now.  They had a fat, baby-armed QB who had failed twice in the previous two seasons.  He literally gets tired at the end of the games and can't throw a spiral.  Everyone knew it was a stupid decision, even the homeriest of homers.

But then, someone flashed that smile...

And folks, here we are.  The guard is not down, oh no.  But it has started its cycle back towards the floor.  It starts with a "moral victory".  Next up (but not anytime soon) there will be an actual victory.  Then he might complete a last-second pass.  Then could come a winning streak.  And then, as only the NFL can do, they will run a freak streak of luck and good bounces into the playoffs, where Anything Can Happen.

By that time, the guard will be fully down again.  Nobody will remember 98, or 09, or 87, or Super Bowls 4, 8, 9 or 11.  And just as they peak over the edge of the cliff to see what might be waiting for them...

WRONG.  TEAM.

Ah, this dirty old town.  You've got to love it.