Shades of Gray

"I feel like if we do what we're supposed to do, have less turnovers and have some fun, anything's possible."
-Gopher QB MarQueis Gray, before the Nebraska game.

Final Score:
Nebraska 41
Minnesota 14

Article written after the game:
Headline: After Nebraska, optimism is a survivor at U
Sub headline: Despite newly infected bruises courtesy of Nebraska and a 1-6 start, these Gophers, says Coach Jerry Kill, still could win a game in the Big Ten.

"Eliminate the negative plays and we should move the ball on any team."
-Gopher QB MarQueis Gray, after the Nebraska game.

Dirty Old Town

OH HELL YES.

Folks, it's back.  That feeling that was whisked away when ol' Number 4 threw to the WRONG TEAM in New Orleans.  That unbridled optimism.  That disconnection with reality.  That old wind, she blows again.

Vikes fans in the early days had their guard up all the time.  Those 4 Big Dance losses in 11 years kept them permanently expecting the worst (and delivering!).  But then came a prolonged period of sucking, to which they responded by letting the guard down a little.  It came down more and more each year, as they started building a few pieces in the 90s.  By the time they came out with that fucking "Miami" parody in 98, the guard was all the way down.  Hands at the sides, like Roy Jones, taunting.  Gary lines up for that kick and they are already raising their hands in triumph.

Then they were somehow simultaneously punched in both the mouth and crotch.

The guard stayed up for awhile thereafter.... it remained all the way through 2001 (41-0) and most of the 2000s.  Even when dick-texter came over, they still kept the guard up.  But AP had been helping them lower it a little bit at a time.  He would peel off 200 yard games and the hands would drop just a tad.  D'Ter would throw to Greg Lewis in the back of the end zone... a little more.  They would rout the overrated Cowboys and D'Ter would slap an defensive lineman's ass... almost all the way down.

Then they would go to New Orleans FULLY EXPECTING A WIN.



The punch landed so square that the fans literally did not know what to do.  Nobody had any idea how to react.  The radio man screamed like a buffoon.  The coach was on the chopping block.  The fans constantly alternated between hating him and trying to get excited for the next season.  But make no mistake about it... the guard was back up.  All the way up.

Since Tracy Porter picked D'Ter off to end any hope of actual success, it's been quite a comedy of errors for the purple.  Brett took pictures of his scroto-sack and sent it to a woman who was not his wife.  They traded for Randy Moss, then cut him.  D'Ter was toss'd to the ground head first, and not even a member of his team would help him up.  He was hit in the face on a pass, leading to an interception, which led to his replacement by Tar-Var, who somehow had the game of his life.  The coach had to sit and listen to his home stadium chanting "FIRE CHILDRESS" louder than they had cheered all season long.  More recently, everyone has stopped trying, they are being outcoached by Todd Haley and Lovie Smith, and the cornerback choked a woman and spent the weekend in jail.  Needless to say, things aren't going well.

When they traded for Donovan McFatts, I would have to say that was when the guard had reached its apex.  Nothing could hit them now.  They had a fat, baby-armed QB who had failed twice in the previous two seasons.  He literally gets tired at the end of the games and can't throw a spiral.  Everyone knew it was a stupid decision, even the homeriest of homers.

But then, someone flashed that smile...

And folks, here we are.  The guard is not down, oh no.  But it has started its cycle back towards the floor.  It starts with a "moral victory".  Next up (but not anytime soon) there will be an actual victory.  Then he might complete a last-second pass.  Then could come a winning streak.  And then, as only the NFL can do, they will run a freak streak of luck and good bounces into the playoffs, where Anything Can Happen.

By that time, the guard will be fully down again.  Nobody will remember 98, or 09, or 87, or Super Bowls 4, 8, 9 or 11.  And just as they peak over the edge of the cliff to see what might be waiting for them...

WRONG.  TEAM.

Ah, this dirty old town.  You've got to love it.

Is he open?

This isn't going to go well

Al, you sand-bagging son of a bitch, you taught Hue well...

Hey Carson, how many footballs have you thrown in the last 6 months?

"It's hard to say...  Not many....  None."

He was "retired" for the season, yet he is telling people he can get up to "game shape" quickly, and that he's been working out.  Really?

Just look at this clown show.  You've got Hue up front being all fake-bad-ass, giving snide answers to reporters and pretending that he's in charge, and you've got Carson, who literally is sitting there thinking "Oh FUCK, it's the Raiders."

The absolute highlight is when they asked Hue how it worked that he traded for Palmer even after the Bengals had refused to trade him all season.  Here is the transcript:

"Hue, up to this point, Mike Brown, it seemed like he was set, he wasn't going to trade Carson Palmer and yet, you give him a call, and now Carson is here.  How did that happen?  Did that have anything to do with your relationship with him?"

"Probably so.  I have so much respect for Mike.  Having worked there with him, been in drafts with him, coached some of his best players.  I think he has a respect for this organization and Coach Davis.  I think the respect is mutual.  He said so.  He said 'Hue, I like you.  I want to see you do well.  And I want to see Carson do well.  And I want us to do well, being the Bengals.'  At the end of the day, I think it worked out for everybody."

I WILL TAKE ONE OF MY LIMBS OFF IF THE OWNER OF THE BENGALS TOLD THE COACH OF THE RAIDERS THAT HE WANTS CARSON PALMER TO "DO WELL".

No, Hue.  That's not what happened at all.  You are a huge liar.  You are lying about what happened.  What actually happened is that the Bengals (who could fuck up a cup of Maxwell House Instant), were sitting there waiting for another team - like the Raiders (who could fuck up a glass of ice water with ice) - to give them a call and offer them WAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY too many draft picks for a player that they didn't need anyway.  Mike Brown didn't move Palmer to Oakland because he respects Al Davis.  He moved him because you idiots gave him way more than he was worth.

End.

Oh, these are getting sad now...

This can't be fun anymore...

"The purple and gold horse has not done much to become engaged in the race..."

How many more horse racing analogies are we going to see before we finally hit pay-dirt with "and it's off to the glue factory"?  Like one more game?

At this point, it might be time to can the fun little horse-race theme.  The whole thing seems much more St. Croix Meadows than anything else...

Is it possible to run out of breath while speaking?

Oh MAN, is this guy gassed. What is that around his neck? An oxygen tank? A camera? Butte College football reporter... that looks good on a resume.

So simple, it's stupid

Let me see if I follow here:

This team is close to a Super Bowl.  "Closer than some think".  As long as the QB plays like Sanchez, they get a starting Left Tackle (which are growing on trees!), a deep-threat wide receiver (like Julio Jones or AJ Green, there are so many of them out there!), a starting safety, and one (2) starting cornerbacks.  It's a snap!

The winner though is the follow-up comment:  just draft a tackle in the first round, then a WR, then get a free agent guard.  Because every draft pick ever goes on to start and play 16 games as a rookie.  Every one!

When you are putting together your list for "things we need in order to get to a Super Bowl", and your argument is "it's really not that many things we need!", then I would say by the time you mention a FIFTH position that needs a significant upgrade, it might be time to just close the text document you've been working on and take a long walk.  Because by this rationale, Miami is right on the doorstep too.  If they just upgrade QB, O-line, WR and RB, they're in there, baby!

Oh, and...

Switcheroo

OK Vikings fans, let's talk hypothetical.  I'm going to give you a choice of two quarterbacks - stats only.  Which would you pick?  (These stats are through the first 4 games of the season)

Quarterback A:
74/131 (56%), 861 Yards, 5 TDs, 7 INT's

Quarterback B:
65/111 (59%), 680 Yards, 4TDs, 2 INT's

Now, by stats alone, who would you take?

Looks like Quarterback B makes fewer mistakes.  He doesn't throw for as many yards, but doesn't throw as often.  Probably the better choice, right?

Quarterback B is Donovan McNabb's stats through the first 4 games.  Coach Frazier is taking to the airwaves, consoling the Zubaz's by sticking by his QB and saying things will turn around.  As a matter of disclosure, McNabb was QB for my team most of last year.  My experiences were my advice to Viking fans this year: he won't win OR lose a game for you.  He's just there...don't let him throw deep...and he has no mobility.  Dink and dunk and run the ball, that's what you should do.

The Vikings have a Heisman runner-up on the team that seems to get 2 carries a game.  Wise move.  Whatever strengths McNabb still has (and it's not much) Frazier (sounds like Brazier...who's up for a Dilly Bar?) ignores.  Imagine - two headed monster of Peterson and Gerhart always in the backfield...carries could go either way.  Now, if they do that, you KNOW who's getting the ball.

Enough of that - let's suppose for whatever insane reason you chose Quarterback A.  You know the keeper of those stats?  That's BRETT FAVRE and his first 4 games last year.  Team went 1-3...and wasn't any better than this year.  Think back - were people calling for the Ol Gunslinger's head?!  Were there demands for Joe Webb to supplant the texter?

No, and no...which is yet another reason why the Vikings and their fans are so entertaining.  Maybe this is a waste of time...consider "Access Vikings" recent take:

"Again, it's not a slam against McNabb to suggest it's time for Ponder to start. At this point, there just doesn't seem to be any point in going forward with a quarterback who isn't going to be here next season."


Giving up already/Why did you sign him/Having trouble with this whole "draft" thing, errrrrrr?