Redraft IV

If you hit the bull, you get a steak, right? Ryu got sent to Durham. I will pick up . . . Turnbow. You read that right. This pick-up (along with all my others) will be effective when it is most beneficial to me (if I can do that). I have to say, I am very "impressed" with my pitching staff.

A quote from Sportsline:

Fantasy Analysis

Borchard is about as worthless as a big league roster player gets. Ignore the one-time prospect in all Fantasy leagues. He shouldn't be owned in the 1 percent of CBS SportsLine leagues he's owned in.
(Updated 07/26/2007).

Will Do

Roger that, I will get these rosters squared away when I'm back in Land O' Food, middle next week. Keep in mind that if you redraft a player to start this month, you lose the point you gained from having that player sent to AAA. And also keep in mind that I'm using ALL of July's statistics, not just from the 22nd forward. So if your player had a total dogshit month and then was sent down at the end of the month, you have a Super Failure. You can always redraft at the end of the month.

Redraft III

Further scrutiny of my team shows Rocco is out for a couple months. I will take Jay Gibbons to replace him starting August 1st (if I haven't failed reading the rules correctly). Maybe Trip can give us a little insight to the college Mr. Gibbons is from.

Redraft II

Hello Scranton! Well, looks like Mr. Igawa gets a chance to meet the good people from "The Office". I will take Matt Chico WASH to replace.

Redraft I

A quick review of my team shows Gabe Gross got sent down. I guess this happened around the 21st. Apparently, you need to check your prospects the night before the draft and not a couple nights before the draft. I will pick up Fred Lewis RF San Francisco. He bats L and throws R so he's confused. Also, his salary is unavailable on Sportsline. Get'em Fred.

"I Will Take Something Called Joe Borchard"

The 2007 Failure Fantasy Baseball Draft went off without a hitch tonight... well, except for the whole "AOL likes to kiss dink" hitch that delayed the draft for a half an hour. Well, whatever. We fail even when it comes to drafting failures. I couldn't imagine it going any other way.

Make sure to let me know your team names so we can get them updated on the right hand side. I've put in the names if I know them. Here are the teams:

Billz

Position Players
Ben Zobrist
JD Drew
Nick Punto
Mike Rouse
Ramon Martinez
Greg Norton
Luis Rodriguez
Alex Gordon
Andrew Jones

Pitchers
Scott Baker
A.J. Burnett
Ryan Braun
Byung Hyun Kim
Masumi Kuwata

Team: Cincinnati

Steve Howe's Pocket Mirror

Position Players
Todd Linden
Robert Fick
Mark Sweeney
Cesar Izturis
Michael Bourn
Norris Hopper
Chris Gomez
John McDonald
Abraham Nunez

Pitchers
Casey Fossum
Jack Taschner
Jose Mesa
Scott Feldman
Tony Armas

Team: San Francisco




Conduct Detrimental To Team Baseball Team

Position Players
Rocco Baldelli
Sammy Sosa
Scott Hairston
Dioner Navarro
Kurt Suzuki
Rickie Weeks
Ryan Langerhans
Fred Lewis (redraft)
Joe Borchard

Pitchers
Dontrelle Willis
LaTroy Hawkins
Key Igawa
John Danks
Jae Kuk Ryu

Team: Milwaukee



Suspended Indefinitely

Position Players
Julio Lugo
Bobby Crosby
Juan Uribe
Jason Bartlett
Alex Gonzalez
Yuneiskey Betancourt
BJ Upton
Tony Batista
Delmon Young

Pitchers
Jeff Weaver
Daniel Cabrera
Mike Maroth
Julian Tavarez
Woody Williams

Team: Tampa Bay


You Dead, Dawg

Position Players
Tadahito Iguchi
Dmitri Young
Alex Cintron
Jacque Jones
Richie Sexson
John Buck
Adam Kennedy
Mike Napoli
Ross Gload

Pitchers
Edwin Jackson
Jose Contreras
Livan Hernandez
Jaime Moyer
Barry Zito

Team: Washington


Cap'n Kanani

Position Players
Dan Uggla
Adam Dunn
Brandon Inge
Tony Pena Jr.
David Ross
Miguel Olivo
Adam LaRoche
Ryan Zimmerman
Kevin Kouzmanoff

Pitchers
Robinson Tejada
Adam Eaton
Ervin Santana
Kip Wells
Vincente Padilla

Team: Pittsburgh

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Now the failing begins!

Failure Fantasy League Charter

Baseball is often said to be a game of minimized failure - much like raising children (which someone recently told me is the least rewarding thing in the world). With that said, let's get on with the failing!

The 2007 season of Failure Fantasy Baseball is underway! In typical fashion, we will hold our draft on July 22nd, almost 4 months after the season began. Wow, we even fail at the failure league! We'll have stats for July, August and September, and perhaps a special playoff edition. There will be no exchange of money, simply our positive re-affirmations that we can spot a loser when we see one - and for some of us, that's every morning in the mirror.

Hopefully we're all familiar on how the scoring went for the ill-fated basketball league. It will be the same structure. You get 5 points if you lead the category for that month. 4 if you're in second, etc. It's not hard to figure out. Any questions, just look at the Basketball Charter.

We will draft 9 position players, 5 pitchers, and one team. You can draft any position player you want, including DH (although that will hurt your "errors" stat), and any pitchers you want as well (reliever, starter, or even Grant Balfour).

The Stats:

POSITION PLAYERS

Errors
Strikeouts
Batting Average
GDP

PITCHERS

ERA
Home Runs
Walks
Losses

TEAMS

Attendance
Home Losses
Runs Scored

The numbers are pretty self-explanatory. We'll be using stats from MLB.com and yahoo sports.

Now for the best part: the bonus points and other miscellaneous items.

Unlike the NBA, you don't get any credit for games missed due to injury/suspension/life non-success. So we counteract that with a caveat: if your player is sent to AAA/released/suspended, you get at least one bonus point for him for that month - then you presumably have to redraft for the next month. I say "at least one point" because it might be like Elijah Dukes aka The King, and you would obviously win the league for the year.

You cannot win this league if the team that you draft makes the playoffs. Sorry, we don't reward success at all. Draft a dogshit team that has no chance whatsoever.

If a player is caught using steroids, well then, you've probably earned victory. Again, these are all up to all 5 of us, so we'll decide what to do if it happens. But, for example, last year Nani basically won the league by default because of Artest's actions. Well, that and the fact that we couldn't prove shit.

So let's say you draft Corey Lidle and he makes like John Denver. You lose that player for that month, and you can redraft at the beginning of the next month for that position. Anyone is available for redraft.

We'll meet Sunday night, via AOL Instant Messenger, at 9pm Central time. The draft should only take 1-2 hours. To those that aren't going to be there: please draw up a list of as many players as you want to take, and we'll draft them for you when your time comes up. If they are not available, or we run out of options, we'll pick good players for you. Remember, the core of this league isn't to win, it's to celebrate failure. I think we all understand that, and there will be no shenanigans on draft night.

If you can make it, we'll see you on Sunday night. Anyone with any questions, send an email. Also if anyone wants posting access on the blog, I'll open it up to all members.

Happy Failing!

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The first two picks:

Early Baseball Picks

Hmmm, I think I'll take Giambi, Punto, Eric Milton (does he still draw breath?) and Milton Bradley. That's kind of the combo platter of failure.

The new season starts on Sunday night. Be there.