God, who would want to be with such an asshole?

We're nearing the end of an NFL season that saw a real-live club go the entire course of of the schedule without winning one single game. That kind of failure is perfect, the total refinement of what we celebrate here. This league isn't for those who are just "bad". There's plenty of that every day of your life (likely in the mirror, too). No, this league celebrates the ridiculous failure, the kind that ends up on plaques. The kind that gets not only coaches fired but ends with SPONSERS going bankrupt. You think it's a coincidence Ford is in the shitter? They put their name on a toilet of a stadium. I hear there's hardly any lines at the mens room though, so.....

I'm in the mood for some rambling, and some Wu Tang Clan, so let's begin...

The response while I bomb that ass, / "You ain't shit!" Your wack ass town had you gassed.

So the OKC Thunder. Well, that worked out, didn't it? Mr. Bill at ESPN is quick to point out Durant's numbers as some sort of validation of talent, but stop at look at Big Al's numbers sometime too. He's putting up double doubles like it ain't no thing, and they're still dog-piss. The point is that on the shittiest teams, the "good player" will always shine brighter than on the quality teams. Look at KG's rebounds this season. You know why they're so low? BECAUSE HIS TEAM MAKES SHOTS AND THERE'S NO REBOUNDS TO BE HAD. I mean, yeah, a guy averaging 24 points a game is cool, but when your team puts up 70 for the game and you get done backwards AND frontwards by the Atlantas of the world, I don't see progress. Trust me Bill, you've crossed into the territory of "cheering for a quality basketball team", but I can report from the other side that stats don't mean horseshit. When the team sucks, it sucks because of the players. And Durant is one of those players. It's easy to score points when the other team doesn't take you seriously.

My rap style has the force to leave you lost like the tribe of Shabazz

Speaking of a team just completely adrift, the Charlotte Hornets or Bobcats or Whatever. Hey, how's Larry doing down there? Let's see, sitting at 19-28. Scoring DEAD LAST in the east at 91.8 per game. And how's that defense doing? Well, it's giving up 93.6 per game. Not bad, not great. Larry Ball doesn't seem to be working. And then your second-highest leading scorer punctures a goddamned lung and has to go to the hospital. Your leading scorer is Jason Richardson. Boris Diaw ranks 3rd. Wow. Life for this team is VERY hard. Hey though, Sean May's working out, right?




Oh.

I slam tracks like quarterback sacks from LT

Hey San Diego Chargers, I have an idea. Now, I know the option of GETTING RID OF YOUR BEST PLAYER is on the table, but hear me out. I can see that the instinct here would be to change a lot of stuff and cut players and start from scratch and bring in some young talent to replace the older guys... but I think it's a lot easier.

Your team, minus this man:


Think about it.

First of all, who's your A&R? A mountain climber who plays an electric guitar...

Boy, Mark Cuban is good for your team isn't he? A masterful marketer! He's on the phone all the time! Energy, UP! MFFL!!!!

Let's go take a look at that roster, shall we?

Hey, is that Erick Dampier? Wow, he must be worth the 10 million per year, right? And Jason Kidd.... now you didn't happen to trade Devin Harris for him, did you?

Jerry Stackhouse, still pulling in 7 per year. Oh, and he's signed for next year too. Averaging 5 points per game though.

Look, nobody questions Mark's ability to run the business of this team, but a real GM needs to be making personnel choices. They have lost two elite players in the last 5 years, and when they decide to cut ties with Dirk, he's going to put up 30 a game in Washington or whatever.

However, to bring this thing full circle, they at least have a winning record, which is something folks around here could only dream of. Nice job keeping the Lakers under 150 though.



In conclusion:


Hook em, Horns. And stuff.