"Yeah, gimme two double quarter-pounder with cheese meals, dude! And MEGA-size that shit!!"
August 30, 2010
August 25, 2010
Found "gold"
A while back, I wrote of the Minnesota Gophers football team and their overall failures in the Metrodome. In that winning analysis read by upwards of 3 people, I mentioned that there is apparently video evidence of the beatdown received by Nebraska in 1983, but I couldn't find it.
That was then. This...this is gold. Certainly not a "Golden Moment" by Maturi's standards, but worth viewing for a good laugh.
That was then. This...this is gold. Certainly not a "Golden Moment" by Maturi's standards, but worth viewing for a good laugh.
August 13, 2010
When you're winning a game 9-2...
...in the 8th inning...
...you're not supposed to lose 10-9...
...Dodgers.
They're lucky this happened on the road - Tommy's twice as angry when a loss gives him indigestion.
...you're not supposed to lose 10-9...
...Dodgers.
They're lucky this happened on the road - Tommy's twice as angry when a loss gives him indigestion.
August 1, 2010
July 23, 2010
What WAS on that menu?
"(Dodgers manager Joe) Torre said All-Star closer Jonathan Broxton was sent home after eating something the previous night that made him sick."
Was it that...or Broxton's recent performance?
Sunday - Blown Save, Loss
IP: 1.1
H: 4
R: 2
ER: 2
BB: 2
Tuesday - Loss
IP: 0.1
H: 1
R: 3
ER: 3
BB: 2
Was it that...or Broxton's recent performance?
Sunday - Blown Save, Loss
IP: 1.1
H: 4
R: 2
ER: 2
BB: 2
Tuesday - Loss
IP: 0.1
H: 1
R: 3
ER: 3
BB: 2
June 25, 2010
June 13, 2010
Are you a man?
I watched the US/England soccer game yesterday. England should have scored more goals than they did, but since they didn't, the English goalie gets blamed. We all know Mike Gundy is a man. Robert Green, the English goalie, is also a man . . . at a younger age.
England will/should advance past the round robin stage anyway so this will be funny in a few weeks. As we all know, you don't win the World Cup in the round robin stage.
England will/should advance past the round robin stage anyway so this will be funny in a few weeks. As we all know, you don't win the World Cup in the round robin stage.
May 7, 2010
Today's Sports Failure: LaTroy Hawkins
Ahh....
There's just something comfortable about the familiar. It's akin to having an old buddy back in town...or having a slice of Rhubarb pie after years without the delight. Well, today would be a good reminder to our readers (both of them!) that yes...LaTroy Hawkins is still in Major League Baseball. And, yes, he's still serving up fail like Ralphs Grocery Store serves up horrific store layouts.
Too local a reference? Not when we're taking about his performance in Los Angeles last night. With a comfortable lead going into the ninth, Jonathan Broxton gave up two runs to the Brewers to tie the game. I would have begun to prepare this nomination in his name had the Brewers not pulled this rabbit out of their hat. And oh, what a delight!
With a tie game in the bottom of the ninth, LaTroy did what he does best: load the bases. Who was up next? A man with more than a flair for the dramatic: Andre Ethier. Mr. Walk-Off Homer did it again...a salami off LaTroy for the win. The above photo shows one man confident, and one man realistic. I'll let you choose who is who. The answer is "yes."
LaTroy's line:
IP: 0.1
H: 3
R: 4
ER: 4
BB: 1
HR: 1
Current ERA: 9.26
I wonder if his personal site says anything about his current performance. Oh. Mirroring his play, naturally.
Too local a reference? Not when we're taking about his performance in Los Angeles last night. With a comfortable lead going into the ninth, Jonathan Broxton gave up two runs to the Brewers to tie the game. I would have begun to prepare this nomination in his name had the Brewers not pulled this rabbit out of their hat. And oh, what a delight!
With a tie game in the bottom of the ninth, LaTroy did what he does best: load the bases. Who was up next? A man with more than a flair for the dramatic: Andre Ethier. Mr. Walk-Off Homer did it again...a salami off LaTroy for the win. The above photo shows one man confident, and one man realistic. I'll let you choose who is who. The answer is "yes."
LaTroy's line:
IP: 0.1
H: 3
R: 4
ER: 4
BB: 1
HR: 1
Current ERA: 9.26
I wonder if his personal site says anything about his current performance. Oh. Mirroring his play, naturally.
April 18, 2010
A rare congratulations
Last night, Ubaldo Jimenez pitched a no-no for the Rockies. Why does that name sound familiar? Anyway, well done, sir. Never a doubt.
April 11, 2010
Hey, guess who made the news . . .
Looks like the North Texas Durrrrrrr didn't pay him enough. Looks like he was hitting that pop can bong again.
Get your life together, man, c'mon. You are circling the drain right now.
Get your life together, man, c'mon. You are circling the drain right now.
March 1, 2010
February 26, 2010
Failure Profile: Alvin Robertson
He was one of the thieves in NBA history and still holds the record for most steals in an NBA season.Apparently his kleptomanic ways didn't stop at basketballs.
He's also still at-large so parents, lock up your daughters. No, seriously, lock them up. He'll steal them, literally.
February 19, 2010
Failure of the Day
In reading back-posts I realized that it's been quite awhile since we've officially pointed out an FOD. So, here you go!
Wisconsin Badger Bench (basketball)
In a game that should've been a walk away win, the Badgers managed to lay a turd against OUR beloved Gophers. While the starters didn't play very well, it was the bench that played the roll of the Leafy Bandit and clogged the toilet.
The line please...
2/14 FG
6 rebounds
1 blocked shot
1 turnover
5 personal fouls
4 points
Yeah. When your bench gives you more fouls than points, you're going to be in for a rough night. MVP of the bench? Jon Leuer - he made both fgs in his 26 minutes of "work" last night.
Congratulations on a "great" game. You really gave something Badger Nation can be proud of.
Wisconsin Badger Bench (basketball)
In a game that should've been a walk away win, the Badgers managed to lay a turd against OUR beloved Gophers. While the starters didn't play very well, it was the bench that played the roll of the Leafy Bandit and clogged the toilet.
The line please...
2/14 FG
6 rebounds
1 blocked shot
1 turnover
5 personal fouls
4 points
Yeah. When your bench gives you more fouls than points, you're going to be in for a rough night. MVP of the bench? Jon Leuer - he made both fgs in his 26 minutes of "work" last night.
Congratulations on a "great" game. You really gave something Badger Nation can be proud of.
February 6, 2010
How does the Clip Ship stay afloat?
Just go ahead and take the poll.
I was in the majority. How 'bout you?
I am trying to write something funny, but the headline does it for me. The only thing I can think of is that Sterling wants to move the team so badly, he would permit this.
Ratings would actually go UP. You'd have to watch this train wreck every time they play. Have to.
I was in the majority. How 'bout you?
I am trying to write something funny, but the headline does it for me. The only thing I can think of is that Sterling wants to move the team so badly, he would permit this.
Ratings would actually go UP. You'd have to watch this train wreck every time they play. Have to.
September 10, 2009
Sometimes the stars align
I have to agree with the 4th response. I thought he was on the run. He has "matured" now. So he has put down the pop can? OK, maybe him and McHale can make a comeback together in the ABA. Perhaps he can play with Cedric Ceballos of the Maywood Buzz and they can talk about dunk contests. I am sure Rider will feel right at home in North Texas. No worries or problems to come there. How about a little god finding for Rider? This could be gold.
September 1, 2009
Fat
How else do you fracture a bone? What do you think he was doing for the days he was holding out? Staying fit? Nah. Wonder what Marvin Lewis has to say about that?
July 16, 2009
June 13, 2009
Gold everywhere
Not to give Milton his due as the first post on this blog, but this is gold.
We have God, handcuffed handcuffs, and Barrett doing his best Carl Eller with the cops.
Take it easy on yourself Barrett, it wouldn't have made a difference if you played.
We have God, handcuffed handcuffs, and Barrett doing his best Carl Eller with the cops.
Take it easy on yourself Barrett, it wouldn't have made a difference if you played.
June 12, 2009
MILTON BRADLEY
OH MY GOD
OH MY.
DID YOU JUST SEE THAT?
MILTON BRADLEY, THE BEST, THE BIGGEST LIFE FAILER OF ALL TIME
OH MY.
DID YOU JUST SEE THAT?
MILTON BRADLEY, THE BEST, THE BIGGEST LIFE FAILER OF ALL TIME
Call Me Bosephus
Ok, I was just watching the Twins play the Cubs, and someone mentioned something about Eddie Guardado. So I decided to look him up...
Hmmm, he's back on the Rangers. Ok, great. He's posted a 4.7 ERA this year, not bad, not bad. Then I saw on his ESPN page that he was brought up from AAA the same time as...
Oh dear. Is that Andruw Jones?
And that led me to the Texas Rangers roster for 2009. OH MY GOD, THE FAIL. THE FAIL.
Let's start at pitchers:
Joaquin Benoit - Dickfer, how much did we win off him in Vegas? 50? 400? I'll never forget the ticker... Rangers v. Twins, Radke had given up a few in the early innings (like you would expect any different) and we had the over. Score was something like Rangers 4, Twins 3 in the 6th inning. Then we saw the ticker... "NOW PITCHING, TEXAS J. BENOIT". Dickfer turns to me, "Win".
Jason Grilli - REALLY? Here's a guy who couldn't keep it together in the TIGER bullpen, where they employed Derek Smalls for 2 years AND Fernando Rodney.
Vincente Padilla - I remember a game against the Twins where he gave up like 4 home runs in an inning. I think one of them was to Punto.
Now position players:
Omar Vizquel - OH MY GOD HE STILL DRAWS BREATH.
Brandon Boggs - I thought this was Wade's son. One look at the picture on ESPN says otherwise. He's just like Boggs in every way except he's hitting .167 this year and .225 for his career. Which will be short.
Andruw Jones - Absolutely nothing I can say will provide the proper scope to just how far that man has fallen off the wagon. His failure now is entering epic proportions. Seriously, 5 years ago people would defend to their death his fielding prowess against guys like Torii and Griffey. Now? HE STARTED THE SEASON IN THE TEXAS RANGERS MINOR LEAGUES.
Hmmm, he's back on the Rangers. Ok, great. He's posted a 4.7 ERA this year, not bad, not bad. Then I saw on his ESPN page that he was brought up from AAA the same time as...
Oh dear. Is that Andruw Jones?
And that led me to the Texas Rangers roster for 2009. OH MY GOD, THE FAIL. THE FAIL.
Let's start at pitchers:
Joaquin Benoit - Dickfer, how much did we win off him in Vegas? 50? 400? I'll never forget the ticker... Rangers v. Twins, Radke had given up a few in the early innings (like you would expect any different) and we had the over. Score was something like Rangers 4, Twins 3 in the 6th inning. Then we saw the ticker... "NOW PITCHING, TEXAS J. BENOIT". Dickfer turns to me, "Win".
Jason Grilli - REALLY? Here's a guy who couldn't keep it together in the TIGER bullpen, where they employed Derek Smalls for 2 years AND Fernando Rodney.
Vincente Padilla - I remember a game against the Twins where he gave up like 4 home runs in an inning. I think one of them was to Punto.
Now position players:
Omar Vizquel - OH MY GOD HE STILL DRAWS BREATH.
Brandon Boggs - I thought this was Wade's son. One look at the picture on ESPN says otherwise. He's just like Boggs in every way except he's hitting .167 this year and .225 for his career. Which will be short.
Andruw Jones - Absolutely nothing I can say will provide the proper scope to just how far that man has fallen off the wagon. His failure now is entering epic proportions. Seriously, 5 years ago people would defend to their death his fielding prowess against guys like Torii and Griffey. Now? HE STARTED THE SEASON IN THE TEXAS RANGERS MINOR LEAGUES.
May 16, 2009
Today's Sports Failure
Our sports failure today is Scott Linebrink. Scott certainly faced a lot of lead in the 8th inning of today's White Sox/Blue Jays game, discounting Bartolo "Muy Caliente" Colon's fine performance (5 hits in 5 innings, no runs). By the time Scott got in the game, Chicago was clinging to a 1-0 lead. But this is the Great White North, they are a first place team, and your HORSESHIT WON'T WORK HERE, EH?!
Scott's line
1 IP
3 H
2 R
2 ER
1 Wild Pitch
Chicago's interim manager Joey Cora said "To win 1-0 against that team would have been tough and obviously it didn't happen." Sadly, Ozzie is attending his son's graduation, so our reaction isn't nearly as colorful as we would hope. But there are other points worth mentioning:
The White Sox have lost 10 of their last 13.
It had been nearly two years since the White Sox were leading in a game AT Toronto.
Congratulations to Scott, today's sports failure. Scott will receive a gift certificate to Auto Masters, with locations in Des Plaines, Maywood, and Schaumburg.
Scott's line
1 IP
3 H
2 R
2 ER
1 Wild Pitch
Chicago's interim manager Joey Cora said "To win 1-0 against that team would have been tough and obviously it didn't happen." Sadly, Ozzie is attending his son's graduation, so our reaction isn't nearly as colorful as we would hope. But there are other points worth mentioning:
The White Sox have lost 10 of their last 13.
It had been nearly two years since the White Sox were leading in a game AT Toronto.
Congratulations to Scott, today's sports failure. Scott will receive a gift certificate to Auto Masters, with locations in Des Plaines, Maywood, and Schaumburg.
April 22, 2009
Juan Morillo
Ok, this had to get its own post.
Now, the simple fact is that you could pull ANY Twins reliever out and show their stats and it would look like a baby without a diaper, but this one stands above the rest. And that's really saying something, because guys like Jesse Crain don't know how to wipe properly, let alone throw strikes.
In today's baseball game against the Red Sox:
Juan Morillo entered the game in the 7th inning. He threw 17 pitches.
SOMEHOW, HE WALKED THREE BATTERS AND GAVE UP A HIT.
He was pulled with the bases sauced. That means he got zero outs.
Every one of his runners scored. 4 Earned Runs.
17 pitches, 4 earned runs. No outs. You know what that means? Potsy does. It means an ERA of "infinity". It means that if you aggregate out his numbers, and he were to pitch a full nine innings, he would give up ∞ runs.
∞
That is all.
Now, the simple fact is that you could pull ANY Twins reliever out and show their stats and it would look like a baby without a diaper, but this one stands above the rest. And that's really saying something, because guys like Jesse Crain don't know how to wipe properly, let alone throw strikes.
In today's baseball game against the Red Sox:
Juan Morillo entered the game in the 7th inning. He threw 17 pitches.
SOMEHOW, HE WALKED THREE BATTERS AND GAVE UP A HIT.
He was pulled with the bases sauced. That means he got zero outs.
Every one of his runners scored. 4 Earned Runs.
17 pitches, 4 earned runs. No outs. You know what that means? Potsy does. It means an ERA of "infinity". It means that if you aggregate out his numbers, and he were to pitch a full nine innings, he would give up ∞ runs.
∞
That is all.
April 18, 2009
A quick look at that Dallas Mavericks coaching staff
Wow. It reads like a list of strike out NBA coaches:
Rick Carlisle - Not bad, I guess, but he's been fired twice by winning teams, so something ain't right.
Terry Stotts - The man coached both Atlanta AND Milwaukee. Hey who's used to losing?
Dwane Casey - No words needed. He likes failure as much as most people like breathing.
Rick Carlisle - Not bad, I guess, but he's been fired twice by winning teams, so something ain't right.
Terry Stotts - The man coached both Atlanta AND Milwaukee. Hey who's used to losing?
Dwane Casey - No words needed. He likes failure as much as most people like breathing.
March 10, 2009
Lane
Lane,
It is the SEC. Um, yeah. This isn't Oakland. You need to win more than a couple games OVER AND ABOVE North Texas, Tennessee-Chatt., or Louisiana Ragin' Cajun. This first year isn't going to be fun for you. Think about that before you take on Spurrier and Meyer.
Oh and I almost forgot. You play in front of about 105K for home games. At least win at home so you have some friends.
It is the SEC. Um, yeah. This isn't Oakland. You need to win more than a couple games OVER AND ABOVE North Texas, Tennessee-Chatt., or Louisiana Ragin' Cajun. This first year isn't going to be fun for you. Think about that before you take on Spurrier and Meyer.
Oh and I almost forgot. You play in front of about 105K for home games. At least win at home so you have some friends.
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