I'll just go ahead and whip this out

The Budget

I was just waiting for Sid to write a column explaining why it isn't Brewster's fault we suck. It only took 24 hours.

So, we don't spend on football? WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK THEY ARE PLAYING FOOTBALL IN, DIPSHIT? Oh, a new stadium. Does that count for spending, old fuck?

Q: Why did we have to spend for a new stadium on campus?
A: The previous one was off campus.

Q: Were we ever on campus?
A: Yes, for a long fucking time.

Q: Why did we go off campus?
A: Because Lou Holtz said so. Oh, and people like old fuck went along with it. It was a great idea. "Helps recruiting". Also, helps the Star Tribune has a bunch of land right by the Metrodome.

Sid Hartman has fucked up sports in Minnesota more than any other person.

Hey Mom, Look Over There!!! Yoink!

So Rumeal Robinson isn't a good person.

Not only did he borrow a large sum of money under the name of a fake business and spent the money on a condo and a Benzo, he also TRIED TO SELL HIS MOMS HOUSE WITHOUT HER KNOWING IT.  His own mother.

Wow. He sure is making Wolverine basketball proud.

Hey Ole Miss

You're in a big boy conference. Hell, I thought you had a chance at the national championship last year. Almost put a little on it. You started the season against a more or less local team. When I think of the Ohio Valley I think Jacksonville St. Who doesn't? This team plays in a division with one more "A" than you, so you should win. Here is the problem: they are champions. They won the conference last year. A champion is a champion. Try Austin Peay next year.

Let's read the comments from the newspaper. Notice the guy doing the blog quit before halftime. Nice work. Thanks for the attendance figure, you can go now.

Mississippi was only -160 for this game. Maybe I shouldn't be that hard on them.

Who's Yo Baby Daddy!?

Spike did a Top-10 Athletes With the Most Illegitimate Children.

Yeah...

Do you know any syphilitic, one-legged meth-addicted hookers who like lighting things on fire and talking about commitment? If so, the Houston Rockets alumni association may have someone willing to violate her behind a T.G.I. Fridays while Vernon Maxwell films it.

Interested? Read more here.

As a side note, the Mad Max reference got me interested in rediscovering the problems he had with the law.  On his Wikipedia page, there is a section dedicated to "Behaviorial Incidents."  I'll bring your attention to the 1997 incident.  Wow.

Sometimes I forget...

How fat Boof Bonser was.

"Yeah, gimme two double quarter-pounder with cheese meals, dude! And MEGA-size that shit!!"

Found "gold"

A while back, I wrote of the Minnesota Gophers football team and their overall failures in the Metrodome. In that winning analysis read by upwards of 3 people, I mentioned that there is apparently video evidence of the beatdown received by Nebraska in 1983, but I couldn't find it.

That was then. This...this is gold. Certainly not a "Golden Moment" by Maturi's standards, but worth viewing for a good laugh.

When you're winning a game 9-2...

...in the 8th inning...

...you're not supposed to lose 10-9...

...Dodgers.

They're lucky this happened on the road - Tommy's twice as angry when a loss gives him indigestion.

Balfour

Good job, Grant.

What WAS on that menu?

"(Dodgers manager Joe) Torre said All-Star closer Jonathan Broxton was sent home after eating something the previous night that made him sick."

Was it that...or Broxton's recent performance?

Sunday - Blown Save, Loss
IP: 1.1
H: 4
R: 2
ER: 2
BB: 2

Tuesday - Loss
IP: 0.1
H: 1
R: 3
ER: 3
BB: 2

You May Run Like Hayes But You Hit Like Shit

ESPN Headline: 3 Indians minor-leaguers charged in bar brawl

Right out of Major League!

Are you a man?

I watched the US/England soccer game yesterday. England should have scored more goals than they did, but since they didn't, the English goalie gets blamed. We all know Mike Gundy is a man. Robert Green, the English goalie, is also a man . . . at a younger age.

England will/should advance past the round robin stage anyway so this will be funny in a few weeks. As we all know, you don't win the World Cup in the round robin stage.

Kaz Matsui is hitless in his last twenty (20) at-bats

Today's Sports Failure: LaTroy Hawkins

Ahh....

There's just something comfortable about the familiar. It's akin to having an old buddy back in town...or having a slice of Rhubarb pie after years without the delight. Well, today would be a good reminder to our readers (both of them!) that yes...LaTroy Hawkins is still in Major League Baseball. And, yes, he's still serving up fail like Ralphs Grocery Store serves up horrific store layouts.

Too local a reference? Not when we're taking about his performance in Los Angeles last night. With a comfortable lead going into the ninth, Jonathan Broxton gave up two runs to the Brewers to tie the game. I would have begun to prepare this nomination in his name had the Brewers not pulled this rabbit out of their hat. And oh, what a delight!

With a tie game in the bottom of the ninth, LaTroy did what he does best: load the bases. Who was up next? A man with more than a flair for the dramatic: Andre Ethier. Mr. Walk-Off Homer did it again...a salami off LaTroy for the win. The above photo shows one man confident, and one man realistic. I'll let you choose who is who. The answer is "yes."

LaTroy's line:
IP: 0.1
H: 3
R: 4
ER: 4
BB: 1
HR: 1
Current ERA: 9.26

I wonder if his personal site says anything about his current performance. Oh. Mirroring his play, naturally.

A rare congratulations

Last night, Ubaldo Jimenez pitched a no-no for the Rockies. Why does that name sound familiar? Anyway, well done, sir. Never a doubt.

Hey, guess who made the news . . .

Looks like the North Texas Durrrrrrr didn't pay him enough. Looks like he was hitting that pop can bong again.

Get your life together, man, c'mon. You are circling the drain right now.

Big Al Boozington?

Timberwolves suspend Jefferson for DWI arrest.


Oops.

Failure Profile: Alvin Robertson

He was one of the thieves in NBA history and still holds the record for most steals in an NBA season.

Apparently his kleptomanic ways didn't stop at basketballs.

He's also still at-large so parents, lock up your daughters. No, seriously, lock them up. He'll steal them, literally.

Failure of the Day

In reading back-posts I realized that it's been quite awhile since we've officially pointed out an FOD. So, here you go!

Wisconsin Badger Bench (basketball)

In a game that should've been a walk away win, the Badgers managed to lay a turd against OUR beloved Gophers. While the starters didn't play very well, it was the bench that played the roll of the Leafy Bandit and clogged the toilet.

The line please...

2/14 FG
6 rebounds
1 blocked shot
1 turnover
5 personal fouls
4 points

Yeah. When your bench gives you more fouls than points, you're going to be in for a rough night. MVP of the bench? Jon Leuer - he made both fgs in his 26 minutes of "work" last night.

Congratulations on a "great" game. You really gave something Badger Nation can be proud of.

How does the Clip Ship stay afloat?

Just go ahead and take the poll.

I was in the majority. How 'bout you?

I am trying to write something funny, but the headline does it for me. The only thing I can think of is that Sterling wants to move the team so badly, he would permit this.

Ratings would actually go UP. You'd have to watch this train wreck every time they play. Have to.

Sometimes the stars align

I have to agree with the 4th response. I thought he was on the run. He has "matured" now. So he has put down the pop can? OK, maybe him and McHale can make a comeback together in the ABA. Perhaps he can play with Cedric Ceballos of the Maywood Buzz and they can talk about dunk contests. I am sure Rider will feel right at home in North Texas. No worries or problems to come there. How about a little god finding for Rider? This could be gold.

Fat

How else do you fracture a bone? What do you think he was doing for the days he was holding out? Staying fit? Nah. Wonder what Marvin Lewis has to say about that?

'Toine

This could be a quick spiral for Walker. Is he even playing anymore? Can he get himself in shape to play? If he would have gone downtown, he would have stretched his dollar/checks further. If Vegas isn't lucky, why not try South Lake Tahoe. We'll keep tracking this guy. Stay tuned.

Gold everywhere

Not to give Milton his due as the first post on this blog, but this is gold.

We have God, handcuffed handcuffs, and Barrett doing his best Carl Eller with the cops.

Take it easy on yourself Barrett, it wouldn't have made a difference if you played.

MILTON BRADLEY

OH MY GOD

OH MY.

DID YOU JUST SEE THAT?

MILTON BRADLEY, THE BEST, THE BIGGEST LIFE FAILER OF ALL TIME