August 15, 2007
August 13, 2007
The Ultimate Humiliation
What is?
It's being released by Tampa Bay. Yes, the legendary Casey Fossum is alone. This puts a serious dent into Steve Howe's Bees...so replacing him I'm taking Houston Astro Matt Albers.
"...consider him nothing more than a risky NL-only Fantasy option."
I consider that a success. And speaking of, can we release players who used to fail but now have forgotten how to do so? Norris, I'm looking at you.
It's being released by Tampa Bay. Yes, the legendary Casey Fossum is alone. This puts a serious dent into Steve Howe's Bees...so replacing him I'm taking Houston Astro Matt Albers.
"...consider him nothing more than a risky NL-only Fantasy option."
I consider that a success. And speaking of, can we release players who used to fail but now have forgotten how to do so? Norris, I'm looking at you.
August 10, 2007
Anybody pick this guy up yet?
"Cardinals utility player Scott Spiezio voluntarily sought treatment for "possible problems related to substances" that the team did not specify."
This would definately be worth some bonus points, although not as many because he "voluntarily" sought treatment. He's admitting failure, but not embracing it.
This would definately be worth some bonus points, although not as many because he "voluntarily" sought treatment. He's admitting failure, but not embracing it.
August 8, 2007
Hey Meat Hook, what do you think of Barry Bonds?
More importantly, what do you think of your glasses and hair? Are they jhetto, or?
August 7, 2007
We're commin'!!
From the Rangers site:
Padilla gets washed away: On Thursday, Vicente Padilla made his fourth rehab start since being placed on the 15-day disabled list with right triceps irritation. Unfortunately for the Rangers right-hander, things didn't go as planned.
Padilla, pitching for Double-A Frisco, allowed four runs in the first inning before rain forced the game to be suspended.
Despite the rough first inning, Rangers pitching coach Mark Connor says not to read too much into the outing because of the rough weather conditions.
"It was sprinkling to start the game and the mound got a little wet," Connor said. "So he took it easy, which I'm glad he did."
Padilla will take the mound again on either Sunday or Monday. If the Rangers decide to hold him back until Monday, it's likely that Padilla will be stretched out to throw 60-65 pitches. That number won't be quite as high if he pitches one day earlier. Connor said the decision on which day Padilla pitches will be made once he's had a chance to talk with his starter.
Padilla gets washed away: On Thursday, Vicente Padilla made his fourth rehab start since being placed on the 15-day disabled list with right triceps irritation. Unfortunately for the Rangers right-hander, things didn't go as planned.
Padilla, pitching for Double-A Frisco, allowed four runs in the first inning before rain forced the game to be suspended.
Despite the rough first inning, Rangers pitching coach Mark Connor says not to read too much into the outing because of the rough weather conditions.
"It was sprinkling to start the game and the mound got a little wet," Connor said. "So he took it easy, which I'm glad he did."
Padilla will take the mound again on either Sunday or Monday. If the Rangers decide to hold him back until Monday, it's likely that Padilla will be stretched out to throw 60-65 pitches. That number won't be quite as high if he pitches one day earlier. Connor said the decision on which day Padilla pitches will be made once he's had a chance to talk with his starter.
August 6, 2007
My turn to get in on this redraft thing...
Failure All-star SS Bobby "The big E" Crosby appears to be done for the season with a broken mind - er, I mean hand. Due to the loss to the team, Suspended Indefinately has made a trade. They'll be sending one bag of rotten chips to the dumpster in exchange for SS Khalil Greene - with an 'E'.
Coach Jimminy had this to say about his teams acquisition. "It's tough to lose such a failure as The Big E, but to be able to go out and get an impact guy like Khalil is really going to make up for what we lost. You just don't see a guy strike out the way Khalil does, and that's something that will really help this team. "
On a side note, the rotten bag of chips was optioned to the dumpster's AA affiliate, Homeless Dude's Mouth
Coach Jimminy had this to say about his teams acquisition. "It's tough to lose such a failure as The Big E, but to be able to go out and get an impact guy like Khalil is really going to make up for what we lost. You just don't see a guy strike out the way Khalil does, and that's something that will really help this team. "
On a side note, the rotten bag of chips was optioned to the dumpster's AA affiliate, Homeless Dude's Mouth
August 4, 2007
Al Haig is in control
Sorry about the mix-up, Billz. I am calling up Brian Stokes from Tampa Bay. Because...I'm failing at this so far and Tampa Bay would help. Manager Joe Maddon seems to have faith in him.
"So it's just a matter of time for him to become a real quality relief pitcher. It's not about physical ability; it's about what he thinks and how he thinks in the moment."
Stokes, I don't pay you to think.
"So it's just a matter of time for him to become a real quality relief pitcher. It's not about physical ability; it's about what he thinks and how he thinks in the moment."
Stokes, I don't pay you to think.
Redraft V
Hello Graceland! As RickiE works on his hitting, I will take Jayson Werth PHI for the block, Wink Martindale.
Statistics and Standings - July
Custer, JUMP ON IT!
The month of July has passed, and the failures were innumerable. This was a VERY good month to start this league, as we had some real scumbuckets taking the stage. First of all, the standings for the month:
Suspended Indefinitely - 41
Cap'n Kanani - 36
You Dead, Dawg - 35
Conduct Detrimental to Team Baseball Team - 30
Billz - 24
Steve Howe's Pocket Mirror - 8
The above scoring system is based on "Failure Points". If your team is doing good at failing, you get a lot of points! It's easy to see that there are a few teams doing really well, and one team that's really failing at failing!
Now for the individual leaders. Some of these numbers are quite stunning:
Errors: Suspended Indefinitely comes through with a shocking 24.25 errors (it's based on an average) That means each player is contributing over two errors per month. Outstanding! Yuneiskey Betancourt fades them all with an astronomical 5 errors per month! And you're the shortstop????? Maybe LeCroy could do better!
Strikeouts: Cap'n Kanani's squad whiffs an unbelievable 187 times in July. That's more than 20 for every single player on his roster. The big loser? Brandon Inge, who goes reaching an incredible THIRTY FOUR times!!!!
Batting Average: CDTBT hits an impossibly low .177 in July, easily 50 points lower than second place. What's the secret? Ryan Langerhans at .109, Rickie Weeks at .125 (take that to AAA!) and Scott Hairston (a former bag boy at Red Owl, by the sound of it) at .146. It all adds up to fail city!
Double Play Ball: Cap'n Kanani leads all squads with 17 rally-killers. Miguel Olivo bangs into 4 all on his own. Try bunting, failure!
ERA: CDTBT completely blows up, with an ERA of 10.59! Credit something named Ryu, who's ERA north of 30 helped seal the deal. Special mention goes to Billz and his 8.33, led by a Japanese man of 39 years pitching for Pittsburgh.
Home Runs: You Dead, Dawg just edges out Suspended Indefinitely with 28 hogs given up. Jose Contreras gives up 9 all by himself!
Walks: Suspended Indefinitely just keeps putting them on, at a rate of 62 in the month of July.
Losses: A lot of losers in this category, but none more than Suspended Indefinitely, who records an outstanding 16 losses, just edging You Dead, Dawg, who had 15. Jeff Weaver and Mike Maroth contribute 4 a piece! Way to go!
And then there are the teams... wow talk about some failing organizations...
Attendance: No surprises here, Tampa Bay only rakes 288,301 fans for the month... and even that was inflated by the visiting Yankees and Red Sox. They dipped below 10,000 fans twice during the month!
Home Losses: Pittsburgh loses 9 times at home. No wonder their fans walk out during games.
Runs Scored: All those games and the Brewers could only score 46 runs for their home crowd. In the words of Mel Allen, how about that?!?
-------------------------------------------
Now, this league was developed and nurtured to do one thing: reward failure. I'm tired of constantly heaping praise on athletes who exceed our expectations and excel at sport. Let's start acknowledging the worst of the best: our major league failures!
With that in mind, I'd like to introduce a new award. This will be given to spotlight one performer each month. It will be reserved for those truly special failures, guys who go out and just repeatedly fail all month. The kind of performances that would guarantee them a trip to AAA, except for mitigating factors - they have too much service time, too large of a contract, the team is too shitty, etc.
And so, I give you the first winner of the monthly Jose Contreras Award:
Jose Contreras!
The White Sox have jumped off the cliff this season, and Jose has done the shoving. Guys like Alex Shitron and Juan Uribe have helped - and don't forget Jermaine "You really should've voted for me over Morneau for MVP despite the fact I field like I eat hot wings, that is to say MESSY" Dye - but Contreras has been the solid force behind all of the failing. His numbers in July are the reason Chicago has become so pathetic that they are battling with Kansas Damn City for last place in the division.
In July, he started 5 games. He lost all 5. 0-5.
He pitched 25.2 innings. Hey, that's just over 5 innings per start! 5 innings per fail is more like it.
He gave up 48 hits and 11 walks. He only struck out 15.
His ERA was a mind-blowing 12.97.
Opponents hit .414 off him. Think about that for a moment. For a month, everyone who stepped in the box against The Next Big Cuban Thing was Ted Williams. Even if their name was Jason Tyner on other days.
And so, Jose Contreras, congratulations on winning the inaugural Jose Contreras Award. I'll be picking a winner at the end of each month, so if you see someone truly worthy of mention, drop me a line.
And finally, in closing, a picture of Casey Fossum. You can feel the fail dripping off of this face like unused shaving cream:
The month of July has passed, and the failures were innumerable. This was a VERY good month to start this league, as we had some real scumbuckets taking the stage. First of all, the standings for the month:
Suspended Indefinitely - 41
Cap'n Kanani - 36
You Dead, Dawg - 35
Conduct Detrimental to Team Baseball Team - 30
Billz - 24
Steve Howe's Pocket Mirror - 8
The above scoring system is based on "Failure Points". If your team is doing good at failing, you get a lot of points! It's easy to see that there are a few teams doing really well, and one team that's really failing at failing!
Now for the individual leaders. Some of these numbers are quite stunning:
Errors: Suspended Indefinitely comes through with a shocking 24.25 errors (it's based on an average) That means each player is contributing over two errors per month. Outstanding! Yuneiskey Betancourt fades them all with an astronomical 5 errors per month! And you're the shortstop????? Maybe LeCroy could do better!
Strikeouts: Cap'n Kanani's squad whiffs an unbelievable 187 times in July. That's more than 20 for every single player on his roster. The big loser? Brandon Inge, who goes reaching an incredible THIRTY FOUR times!!!!
Batting Average: CDTBT hits an impossibly low .177 in July, easily 50 points lower than second place. What's the secret? Ryan Langerhans at .109, Rickie Weeks at .125 (take that to AAA!) and Scott Hairston (a former bag boy at Red Owl, by the sound of it) at .146. It all adds up to fail city!
Double Play Ball: Cap'n Kanani leads all squads with 17 rally-killers. Miguel Olivo bangs into 4 all on his own. Try bunting, failure!
ERA: CDTBT completely blows up, with an ERA of 10.59! Credit something named Ryu, who's ERA north of 30 helped seal the deal. Special mention goes to Billz and his 8.33, led by a Japanese man of 39 years pitching for Pittsburgh.
Home Runs: You Dead, Dawg just edges out Suspended Indefinitely with 28 hogs given up. Jose Contreras gives up 9 all by himself!
Walks: Suspended Indefinitely just keeps putting them on, at a rate of 62 in the month of July.
Losses: A lot of losers in this category, but none more than Suspended Indefinitely, who records an outstanding 16 losses, just edging You Dead, Dawg, who had 15. Jeff Weaver and Mike Maroth contribute 4 a piece! Way to go!
And then there are the teams... wow talk about some failing organizations...
Attendance: No surprises here, Tampa Bay only rakes 288,301 fans for the month... and even that was inflated by the visiting Yankees and Red Sox. They dipped below 10,000 fans twice during the month!
Home Losses: Pittsburgh loses 9 times at home. No wonder their fans walk out during games.
Runs Scored: All those games and the Brewers could only score 46 runs for their home crowd. In the words of Mel Allen, how about that?!?
-------------------------------------------
Now, this league was developed and nurtured to do one thing: reward failure. I'm tired of constantly heaping praise on athletes who exceed our expectations and excel at sport. Let's start acknowledging the worst of the best: our major league failures!
With that in mind, I'd like to introduce a new award. This will be given to spotlight one performer each month. It will be reserved for those truly special failures, guys who go out and just repeatedly fail all month. The kind of performances that would guarantee them a trip to AAA, except for mitigating factors - they have too much service time, too large of a contract, the team is too shitty, etc.
And so, I give you the first winner of the monthly Jose Contreras Award:
Jose Contreras!
The White Sox have jumped off the cliff this season, and Jose has done the shoving. Guys like Alex Shitron and Juan Uribe have helped - and don't forget Jermaine "You really should've voted for me over Morneau for MVP despite the fact I field like I eat hot wings, that is to say MESSY" Dye - but Contreras has been the solid force behind all of the failing. His numbers in July are the reason Chicago has become so pathetic that they are battling with Kansas Damn City for last place in the division.
In July, he started 5 games. He lost all 5. 0-5.
He pitched 25.2 innings. Hey, that's just over 5 innings per start! 5 innings per fail is more like it.
He gave up 48 hits and 11 walks. He only struck out 15.
His ERA was a mind-blowing 12.97.
Opponents hit .414 off him. Think about that for a moment. For a month, everyone who stepped in the box against The Next Big Cuban Thing was Ted Williams. Even if their name was Jason Tyner on other days.
And so, Jose Contreras, congratulations on winning the inaugural Jose Contreras Award. I'll be picking a winner at the end of each month, so if you see someone truly worthy of mention, drop me a line.
And finally, in closing, a picture of Casey Fossum. You can feel the fail dripping off of this face like unused shaving cream:
August 3, 2007
Ouch!
While failing to fail in the month of July was bad, at least I got August off on the right ankle, er, foot.
As his ankle attempts to heal, I will "call up" Nate McLouth of Pittsburgh. Sportsline claims he "doesn't produce enough" but they're simply looking at it the wrong way. Here's hoping that injury will give me some points.
Elsewhere, one of my pitchers, Scott Feldman, was sent to AA ("Son, we're just going to bypass AAA at this point"). As he toils in Tulsa, I'd like to call up Masumi Kuwata, also of Pittsburgh. Sportsline also states he's "not a great option."
And Chief, I'd like my team name to be called "Steve Howe's Pocket Mirror"
Michael Bourn (sprained left ankle), [was] placed on the DL on Tuesday.
As his ankle attempts to heal, I will "call up" Nate McLouth of Pittsburgh. Sportsline claims he "doesn't produce enough" but they're simply looking at it the wrong way. Here's hoping that injury will give me some points.
Elsewhere, one of my pitchers, Scott Feldman, was sent to AA ("Son, we're just going to bypass AAA at this point"). As he toils in Tulsa, I'd like to call up Masumi Kuwata, also of Pittsburgh. Sportsline also states he's "not a great option."
And Chief, I'd like my team name to be called "Steve Howe's Pocket Mirror"
July 30, 2007
Redraft IV
If you hit the bull, you get a steak, right? Ryu got sent to Durham. I will pick up . . . Turnbow. You read that right. This pick-up (along with all my others) will be effective when it is most beneficial to me (if I can do that). I have to say, I am very "impressed" with my pitching staff.
A quote from Sportsline:
Fantasy Analysis
Borchard is about as worthless as a big league roster player gets. Ignore the one-time prospect in all Fantasy leagues. He shouldn't be owned in the 1 percent of CBS SportsLine leagues he's owned in.
(Updated 07/26/2007).
A quote from Sportsline:
Fantasy Analysis
Borchard is about as worthless as a big league roster player gets. Ignore the one-time prospect in all Fantasy leagues. He shouldn't be owned in the 1 percent of CBS SportsLine leagues he's owned in.
(Updated 07/26/2007).
July 29, 2007
Will Do
Roger that, I will get these rosters squared away when I'm back in Land O' Food, middle next week. Keep in mind that if you redraft a player to start this month, you lose the point you gained from having that player sent to AAA. And also keep in mind that I'm using ALL of July's statistics, not just from the 22nd forward. So if your player had a total dogshit month and then was sent down at the end of the month, you have a Super Failure. You can always redraft at the end of the month.
July 28, 2007
Redraft III
Further scrutiny of my team shows Rocco is out for a couple months. I will take Jay Gibbons to replace him starting August 1st (if I haven't failed reading the rules correctly). Maybe Trip can give us a little insight to the college Mr. Gibbons is from.
Redraft II
Hello Scranton! Well, looks like Mr. Igawa gets a chance to meet the good people from "The Office". I will take Matt Chico WASH to replace.
July 24, 2007
Redraft I
A quick review of my team shows Gabe Gross got sent down. I guess this happened around the 21st. Apparently, you need to check your prospects the night before the draft and not a couple nights before the draft. I will pick up Fred Lewis RF San Francisco. He bats L and throws R so he's confused. Also, his salary is unavailable on Sportsline. Get'em Fred.
July 22, 2007
"I Will Take Something Called Joe Borchard"
The 2007 Failure Fantasy Baseball Draft went off without a hitch tonight... well, except for the whole "AOL likes to kiss dink" hitch that delayed the draft for a half an hour. Well, whatever. We fail even when it comes to drafting failures. I couldn't imagine it going any other way.
Make sure to let me know your team names so we can get them updated on the right hand side. I've put in the names if I know them. Here are the teams:
Billz
Position Players
Ben Zobrist
JD Drew
Nick Punto
Mike Rouse
Ramon Martinez
Greg Norton
Luis Rodriguez
Alex Gordon
Andrew Jones
Pitchers
Scott Baker
A.J. Burnett
Ryan Braun
Byung Hyun Kim
Masumi Kuwata
Team: Cincinnati
Steve Howe's Pocket Mirror
Position Players
Todd Linden
Robert Fick
Mark Sweeney
Cesar Izturis
Michael Bourn
Norris Hopper
Chris Gomez
John McDonald
Abraham Nunez
Pitchers
Casey Fossum
Jack Taschner
Jose Mesa
Scott Feldman
Tony Armas
Team: San Francisco
Conduct Detrimental To Team Baseball Team
Position Players
Rocco Baldelli
Sammy Sosa
Scott Hairston
Dioner Navarro
Kurt Suzuki
Rickie Weeks
Ryan Langerhans
Fred Lewis (redraft)
Joe Borchard
Pitchers
Dontrelle Willis
LaTroy Hawkins
Key Igawa
John Danks
Jae Kuk Ryu
Team: Milwaukee
Suspended Indefinitely
Position Players
Julio Lugo
Bobby Crosby
Juan Uribe
Jason Bartlett
Alex Gonzalez
Yuneiskey Betancourt
BJ Upton
Tony Batista
Delmon Young
Pitchers
Jeff Weaver
Daniel Cabrera
Mike Maroth
Julian Tavarez
Woody Williams
Team: Tampa Bay
You Dead, Dawg
Position Players
Tadahito Iguchi
Dmitri Young
Alex Cintron
Jacque Jones
Richie Sexson
John Buck
Adam Kennedy
Mike Napoli
Ross Gload
Pitchers
Edwin Jackson
Jose Contreras
Livan Hernandez
Jaime Moyer
Barry Zito
Team: Washington
Cap'n Kanani
Position Players
Dan Uggla
Adam Dunn
Brandon Inge
Tony Pena Jr.
David Ross
Miguel Olivo
Adam LaRoche
Ryan Zimmerman
Kevin Kouzmanoff
Pitchers
Robinson Tejada
Adam Eaton
Ervin Santana
Kip Wells
Vincente Padilla
Team: Pittsburgh
-------------------------------------------------------------
Now the failing begins!
Make sure to let me know your team names so we can get them updated on the right hand side. I've put in the names if I know them. Here are the teams:
Billz
Position Players
Ben Zobrist
JD Drew
Nick Punto
Mike Rouse
Ramon Martinez
Greg Norton
Luis Rodriguez
Alex Gordon
Andrew Jones
Pitchers
Scott Baker
A.J. Burnett
Ryan Braun
Byung Hyun Kim
Masumi Kuwata
Team: Cincinnati
Steve Howe's Pocket Mirror
Position Players
Todd Linden
Robert Fick
Mark Sweeney
Cesar Izturis
Michael Bourn
Norris Hopper
Chris Gomez
John McDonald
Abraham Nunez
Pitchers
Casey Fossum
Jack Taschner
Jose Mesa
Scott Feldman
Tony Armas
Team: San Francisco
Conduct Detrimental To Team Baseball Team
Position Players
Rocco Baldelli
Sammy Sosa
Scott Hairston
Dioner Navarro
Kurt Suzuki
Rickie Weeks
Ryan Langerhans
Fred Lewis (redraft)
Joe Borchard
Pitchers
Dontrelle Willis
LaTroy Hawkins
Key Igawa
John Danks
Jae Kuk Ryu
Team: Milwaukee
Suspended Indefinitely
Position Players
Julio Lugo
Bobby Crosby
Juan Uribe
Jason Bartlett
Alex Gonzalez
Yuneiskey Betancourt
BJ Upton
Tony Batista
Delmon Young
Pitchers
Jeff Weaver
Daniel Cabrera
Mike Maroth
Julian Tavarez
Woody Williams
Team: Tampa Bay
You Dead, Dawg
Position Players
Tadahito Iguchi
Dmitri Young
Alex Cintron
Jacque Jones
Richie Sexson
John Buck
Adam Kennedy
Mike Napoli
Ross Gload
Pitchers
Edwin Jackson
Jose Contreras
Livan Hernandez
Jaime Moyer
Barry Zito
Team: Washington
Cap'n Kanani
Position Players
Dan Uggla
Adam Dunn
Brandon Inge
Tony Pena Jr.
David Ross
Miguel Olivo
Adam LaRoche
Ryan Zimmerman
Kevin Kouzmanoff
Pitchers
Robinson Tejada
Adam Eaton
Ervin Santana
Kip Wells
Vincente Padilla
Team: Pittsburgh
-------------------------------------------------------------
Now the failing begins!
July 18, 2007
Failure Fantasy League Charter
Baseball is often said to be a game of minimized failure - much like raising children (which someone recently told me is the least rewarding thing in the world). With that said, let's get on with the failing!
The 2007 season of Failure Fantasy Baseball is underway! In typical fashion, we will hold our draft on July 22nd, almost 4 months after the season began. Wow, we even fail at the failure league! We'll have stats for July, August and September, and perhaps a special playoff edition. There will be no exchange of money, simply our positive re-affirmations that we can spot a loser when we see one - and for some of us, that's every morning in the mirror.
Hopefully we're all familiar on how the scoring went for the ill-fated basketball league. It will be the same structure. You get 5 points if you lead the category for that month. 4 if you're in second, etc. It's not hard to figure out. Any questions, just look at the Basketball Charter.
We will draft 9 position players, 5 pitchers, and one team. You can draft any position player you want, including DH (although that will hurt your "errors" stat), and any pitchers you want as well (reliever, starter, or even Grant Balfour).
The Stats:
POSITION PLAYERS
Errors
Strikeouts
Batting Average
GDP
PITCHERS
ERA
Home Runs
Walks
Losses
TEAMS
Attendance
Home Losses
Runs Scored
The numbers are pretty self-explanatory. We'll be using stats from MLB.com and yahoo sports.
Now for the best part: the bonus points and other miscellaneous items.
Unlike the NBA, you don't get any credit for games missed due to injury/suspension/life non-success. So we counteract that with a caveat: if your player is sent to AAA/released/suspended, you get at least one bonus point for him for that month - then you presumably have to redraft for the next month. I say "at least one point" because it might be like Elijah Dukes aka The King, and you would obviously win the league for the year.
You cannot win this league if the team that you draft makes the playoffs. Sorry, we don't reward success at all. Draft a dogshit team that has no chance whatsoever.
If a player is caught using steroids, well then, you've probably earned victory. Again, these are all up to all 5 of us, so we'll decide what to do if it happens. But, for example, last year Nani basically won the league by default because of Artest's actions. Well, that and the fact that we couldn't prove shit.
So let's say you draft Corey Lidle and he makes like John Denver. You lose that player for that month, and you can redraft at the beginning of the next month for that position. Anyone is available for redraft.
We'll meet Sunday night, via AOL Instant Messenger, at 9pm Central time. The draft should only take 1-2 hours. To those that aren't going to be there: please draw up a list of as many players as you want to take, and we'll draft them for you when your time comes up. If they are not available, or we run out of options, we'll pick good players for you. Remember, the core of this league isn't to win, it's to celebrate failure. I think we all understand that, and there will be no shenanigans on draft night.
If you can make it, we'll see you on Sunday night. Anyone with any questions, send an email. Also if anyone wants posting access on the blog, I'll open it up to all members.
Happy Failing!
-----------------------
The first two picks:
The 2007 season of Failure Fantasy Baseball is underway! In typical fashion, we will hold our draft on July 22nd, almost 4 months after the season began. Wow, we even fail at the failure league! We'll have stats for July, August and September, and perhaps a special playoff edition. There will be no exchange of money, simply our positive re-affirmations that we can spot a loser when we see one - and for some of us, that's every morning in the mirror.
Hopefully we're all familiar on how the scoring went for the ill-fated basketball league. It will be the same structure. You get 5 points if you lead the category for that month. 4 if you're in second, etc. It's not hard to figure out. Any questions, just look at the Basketball Charter.
We will draft 9 position players, 5 pitchers, and one team. You can draft any position player you want, including DH (although that will hurt your "errors" stat), and any pitchers you want as well (reliever, starter, or even Grant Balfour).
The Stats:
POSITION PLAYERS
Errors
Strikeouts
Batting Average
GDP
PITCHERS
ERA
Home Runs
Walks
Losses
TEAMS
Attendance
Home Losses
Runs Scored
The numbers are pretty self-explanatory. We'll be using stats from MLB.com and yahoo sports.
Now for the best part: the bonus points and other miscellaneous items.
Unlike the NBA, you don't get any credit for games missed due to injury/suspension/life non-success. So we counteract that with a caveat: if your player is sent to AAA/released/suspended, you get at least one bonus point for him for that month - then you presumably have to redraft for the next month. I say "at least one point" because it might be like Elijah Dukes aka The King, and you would obviously win the league for the year.
You cannot win this league if the team that you draft makes the playoffs. Sorry, we don't reward success at all. Draft a dogshit team that has no chance whatsoever.
If a player is caught using steroids, well then, you've probably earned victory. Again, these are all up to all 5 of us, so we'll decide what to do if it happens. But, for example, last year Nani basically won the league by default because of Artest's actions. Well, that and the fact that we couldn't prove shit.
So let's say you draft Corey Lidle and he makes like John Denver. You lose that player for that month, and you can redraft at the beginning of the next month for that position. Anyone is available for redraft.
We'll meet Sunday night, via AOL Instant Messenger, at 9pm Central time. The draft should only take 1-2 hours. To those that aren't going to be there: please draw up a list of as many players as you want to take, and we'll draft them for you when your time comes up. If they are not available, or we run out of options, we'll pick good players for you. Remember, the core of this league isn't to win, it's to celebrate failure. I think we all understand that, and there will be no shenanigans on draft night.
If you can make it, we'll see you on Sunday night. Anyone with any questions, send an email. Also if anyone wants posting access on the blog, I'll open it up to all members.
Happy Failing!
-----------------------
The first two picks:
July 17, 2007
Early Baseball Picks
Hmmm, I think I'll take Giambi, Punto, Eric Milton (does he still draw breath?) and Milton Bradley. That's kind of the combo platter of failure.
The new season starts on Sunday night. Be there.
The new season starts on Sunday night. Be there.
June 11, 2007
Uh oh!
I guess not!
"Denver Nuggets reserve forward DerMarr Johnson was charged with resisting arrest and interfering with police during a disturbance outside a nightclub. Police said they used a taser to calm the 6-foot-9 player.
"He apparently would not cooperate," police Lt. Randy Corbitt said.
This is why this website exists. He just shot up to the first round of next year's draft.
May 23, 2007
You dead, dawg
Well, I mean, yeah.
So, supposedly, Elijah Dukes and his wife aren't getting along right now. Because he left her a voicemail that went something like this:
""You dead, dawg. I ain't even bullshittin. Your kids, too."
Now, I think we may be mistaken here. Obviously, he wouldn't be calling his wife "dawg". This has to have been intended for one of his friends, right?
Come on, look at that face. He wouldn't hurt anyone.
How many points do you get when a guy on your team tells his wife that she's dead, dawg? You must immediately win the season, right?
All of this is made infinitely more funny when you read this article, posted on ESPN.com less than two months ago. You'll want to read some of the quotes in there, and also watch the video. The absolute highlight:
Hmmm.... what do you think your wife was thinking about when you threatened her and her kids with murder?
So, supposedly, Elijah Dukes and his wife aren't getting along right now. Because he left her a voicemail that went something like this:
""You dead, dawg. I ain't even bullshittin. Your kids, too."
Now, I think we may be mistaken here. Obviously, he wouldn't be calling his wife "dawg". This has to have been intended for one of his friends, right?
Come on, look at that face. He wouldn't hurt anyone.
How many points do you get when a guy on your team tells his wife that she's dead, dawg? You must immediately win the season, right?
All of this is made infinitely more funny when you read this article, posted on ESPN.com less than two months ago. You'll want to read some of the quotes in there, and also watch the video. The absolute highlight:
"The anger would just take over," the rookie Devil Rays outfielder says. "Now when something happens, I can kind of switch sides and think about how the other person is thinking and how I can make it different."
Hmmm.... what do you think your wife was thinking about when you threatened her and her kids with murder?
March 5, 2007
Ron
What we have here is the reason this league was started. Quoting from ESPN.com we have the words (in no particular order): "arrested", "domestic violence", "shoved her to the floor", "911", "shattered windshield", "suspicion", "emergency protective order", "injuries", "bail" . . . well drafted.
February 23, 2007
Unleashed
The Charlotte Bobcats played the T-Wolves the other night. That was not the only battle going on. There was a battle of Hair. Adam Morrison vs. Ricky Davis. On Morrison's side was Mop and his sidekick 'stache. Ricky Davis was playing host to . . . OH MY GOD . . . what is that? Is that legal? I believe if you are sporting that you need big collars, chest hair, and gold chains. Jesus. Bobcats won the game but Ricky Davis won the battle.
January 28, 2007
40
No, I don't mean the amount of ounces you can get in a fine malt beverage. Let's talk about Zach. He must have felt open or actually have been open, because it went up 40 times last night against the mighty Griz. 40. Did we get AI, yet?
December 17, 2006
Hey, you like to fight?
Don't know what to say about the Knicks/Nuggets game except what took so long Knicks? I mean, we are AT LEAST 20 games into the season. Nice hit and run by 'Melo. Did we get AI, yet?
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